tired of this

[A_goodman]

Dan-o, LRT, Pook,

Thanks for checking in.

I don't really have a frame of reference on this. All I know is that if it were me, I'd want my S to be there. I have plenty of good friends and a family. But nothing is quite the same as the person you've been M to.

I don't have any idea what I'm doing. Not sure I'm doing a good job of anything as much as just hanging around. With her hesitance, I have to continually remind myself to stay calm.

She hasn't spewed as much as I expected, but it's only been a few days. She seems fairly relaxed, not at all like she's uber stressed, or scared. It's the weirdest thing.

It's funny, at the outset of this particular issue my confusion was over what to do with respect to db and R and the gains I've fought to make. I prepared my self to take a beating that just hasn't come. Now I'm just confused in general about what she's thinking and feeling. So I solved the equation in my mind about how to approach this and now there's nothing on the surface to approach. I jumped from one limbo into another. I'm determined to stay pleasant, supporting and withstand whatever spew she can dish out. But this has been like stoming the beach to find the enemy pulled the defenses in the night. Just a bunch of standing around trying to figure out where they went. And WHY.

I am working out and taking care of the things that I need to do. Going Camping with S12 this weekend and have been invited to go on a private dove hunt next weekend. It's Friday, 100 miles away. think I'm going to go. I'll get back just in time Saturday to head to the first football game with the fam. She's been talking football and about tailgating. It's a long season. Maybe she plans to be around and together to catch it.

IDK what to make of the whole sitch.