Hi Friends. Its been awhile. Why? Because I was content getting all of the attention I wanted from a new guy and, quite honestly, I loved it. But I knew that I really needed to face the music and if I wanted to actually stand for my marriage, my head couldn't be clouded by a new Romeo.
So...today...we stopped our incessant texting and the silence has been brutal. At the same time, my H is moving forward full force with a new 2bdrm apt so he can spend time with DD there. I have been having a lovely pity party most of the day, but am slowly stopping the sniffles.
One of the things that has really helped me is addressing all of the lies that I have been letting myself believe. Like: I'm not beautiful, I'm used up goods with no hope for a future. No one will ever want a chick with a kid, I'm never going to have a successful career again, My friendships are only on the surface, Its my fault that my marriage failed.
I have taken all of those lies and placed each on a post it note. Next to each lie, I place another differently colored (indulging in my love for office supplies) post it note with TRUTH. I am beautiful. I have awesome hair. I am able to give grace naturally, I am desired, My friendships are deep and friends value what I have to say, There is wisdom behind my words, I am intelligent, I cannot control my husbands decisions or help/fix him.
The idea is that I will see my post-it covered wall and begin to really believe these truths instead of getting bogged down with the nasty lies. Once I am confident in the truths, the lie post it will get thrown out and I can move forward knowing that I don't receive that lie.
So it has been a crappy week, but I am getting used to the thought that I am pretty awesome and in the end of this, I am going to be ok. That is enough for me to move on to tomorrow.
On a positive note, going out with old friends and my H Friday night as a last hurrah for one of his friends whose wife is about to have a baby. Lots of opportunities there to show off my work over the past few months...and of course, my new skinny jeans!
Oh...and the boy toy thing....good move to drop it. You will know when you are ready. Your ready....when you really accept that no one and i mean no one...can validate or invalidate what you feel and who you are.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Read Lola's threads about new man giving attention.
It only distracts from the work you HAVE to do.
Oh yes, I did at the beginning of this. And I talked to her and others privately about it and of course heard the same thing and knew that I was playing with fire...but of course I did it anyway. I don't regret it...I think I 'get' having to do the work alone better now that I realized that myself outside of the advice that I received...and ignored - sorry friends!
One thing to remember....mistakes happen, mistakes can be corrected - making the same mistake over and over and over again is not a mistake - it is a behavior.
Behaviors are much harder to change. They take time, they take committment, they take work. They can though be CHANGED. Do not ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
