You know what just occurred to me? She's using this house I'm in right now as a security blanket. When she broke down so far all she wanted to do was, "Go home, lay in bed, have you hold me, take care of me" and I wouldn't let her come home. Now every time she comes here she makes it a point to say, "Well it isn't my house, you said it's not my house anymore"
I'm about to make that a reality if I can get the balls to do it.
When she left, she only took the necessities - cloths, toiletries, toys, some documents.
She also knows I'm having friends over Friday nite. She wants me to "Don't let anyone mess with my stuff, have respect for me and my things."
Ok, I will.
I'm going to start packing her sh*t up tomorrow in boxes.
We can't afford for her to get a storage unit, and honestly it doesn't make sense to, but I sure as hell can box all her sh*t up and put it in the garage.
Oh honey, why does that upset you? You don't want to come back here - you made it clear. I'm just helping you pack. Come in the house and see if I missed anything. All the boxes are labeled nicely in the garage for you.
I'm waiting for an "AtABoy!" from some people on this one. I think I deserve it if I can follow through.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Do it first, then wait for the AtA boys!!!! When my W and I first separated, thats exactly what I did, packed her stuff, except I put it in the neighbors garage, that way she didnt have any reason to come in the house or even the garage. Like everyone says, can you walk the walk? actions not words.
Yeah, exactly. On second thought now, I will wait until she tells me the date and time she has scheduled mediation. I told her to do it on Tuesday, it's Thursday now, no word. She has been hellbent on getting it done ASAP.
Either she is figuring out how to pay for it, still calling around to find someone to do it (she sent me 2 to pick from already) or is 'seeing how it goes'. My bet is she isn't doing the latter.
Last edited by john28; 08/26/1008:06 PM.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Then why bring it up? She says she wants stuff done asap, just bc you pack up her stuff does not mean if you reconcile it cant be unpacked? They key to this and what many vets have been beating into my head is that you have to show them you are moving on as well, wouldnt that be a good sign? If you dont work out then her stuff is packed and you dont have to deal with it later. You and I both waffle back and forth, by posting to you I am also re reading what I write for my own sitch. Stop waffling if you do like I have, the W will think she has you as a soft cushion to fall back on, help her see reality you have a tool you could use write now, she left pack her sh!t!!!
But in reality, I'm going to wait until I hear back from her on the mediation. I've suggested that since it is such a large expenditure ($1500-4000) that we should wait until we get back from Retrouvialle to do it, and I would gladly do whatever she wants after that. She said no, that she wants to do it ASAP.
I have S4 today and tomorrow. She is going batsh!t crazy over at her aunt's where she is staying. So far today:
- 2 txts before noon - 1 phone call before noon - 2 phone calls after 1:00pm
She is missing not only her little boy, but the life we had here. I can feel it.
Matter of fact! While I was typing this, I JUST SAW HER DRIVE BY THE HOUSE. There is NO way she should be around here, her aunt is on the other side of town.
She is so attached to S4. She's been with him every day of his life for 4 years as a SAHM. She misses him like crazy. I don't think she REALLY realizes what it's going to be like when she has to give him up 40% of the time, with a 5-day stretch of not seeing him. She just doesn't understand what D does to families and parents. She thinks being selfish is OK - but all she wants is her S4.
Last edited by john28; 08/26/1008:24 PM.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Do nothing that will mitigate what she's feeling. SHE needs to feel what her separation will be like. Do not go all melty man. Balls of steel dude!
thanks PH! She is coming over tonight for dinner that I will be cooking. Admittedly, I'm a terrible cook - I don't even know how to cook. But I signed up for a cooking class because my son needs me to learn how to cook for him. Life goes on I guess.
I'm making a very nice gesture to her by inviting her over for dinner during MY TIME with s4 - and I'm doing it for my son who I know misses her, and she misses him too. The shock of going from one house to the next is big for him and I want him to see we're all willing to work together through this.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I'm making a very nice gesture to her by inviting her over for dinner during MY TIME
Your W is so predictable and your sitch would be so easy to turnaround if you would just let her go. Mr. Nice Guy to the rescue.
ps Make sure you use the right spoon.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Damn it!! Are you serious?? You are inviting her over for dinner. How da hell is she going to feel the pain of what she is doing by YOU taking care of her again. You just said the house was her "Security blanket" yet you invited over to use the nice warm blanket.
DETACH!! ACCEPT SHE DOESNT WANT YOU OR THE MARRIAGE. DONT ENABLE HER. The only reason she should be coming over is to pick up her $hit!!
I swear Im going to drive over to your house and slap the crap out of you.
You keep on sabotaging yourself.
ugghhhh!!! You're going to lose all your support if you keep this crap going.
