Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Your W isn't having an affair so I am not sure what you think there is to expose.

See, this is what I'm having trouble understanding. She may not be in an affair just yet but clearly she's on the path to an affair. So what's the difference? I don't understand why I should be passive and sit by until the affair happens. Why wouldn't I try to be proactive and expose the possibility of an affair? I'm not trying to be argumentative, just trying to make sense of it.

Just to be clear, W and I are not legally separated. We have no separation agreement. We are still legally married. It would be one thing for her to date if we were legally separated but we're not.

Thank you for being direct with your questions. To answer your first question, I didn't take any strong stances before because I didn't want to rock the boat. I could give some more colorful answer but that's the bare bones answer. Right or wrong, I was afraid a strong stance would make matters worse. Her dating profile struck a nerve with me. It got me to wake-up and see reality. Reality of the situation. It scared me...a lot. Scared me that she won't ever change her mind and I struggle to live with that decision.

When you break it down and strip away all of the reasons I try to justify doing strong consequences now, it really comes down to me being angry and trying to do something to get my pound of flesh. There, I said it. That's about as honest as I can get...no BS. I DON'T want to be that way. Maybe I just needed a couple days to vent.

To answer your other question, what has changed? Well, I guess nothing really. You're right, she still doesn't want to talk or reconcile. I guess for me what has changed is that I feel like I'm simply being thrown out like a piece of garbage. That she can't even have the deceny to talk to me once to let me know what happened. Let me know why/how her feelings changed. It crushes me to know that after all that time together she doesn't even think enough of me to talk to me about it. Difficult for me to understand how she could do this...not even tell me why? I still don't know why? That's not right. That's cruel. Of course I know the financial mess was a big factor. Was it or should it be big enough of a problem to end this M? My answer is no. People that know my sitch say no too. The only one that controls the answer right now is my W and her answer is obviously yes, it is enough to end the M. That's what I will have to live with unless she has the courage to tell me any other reasons that I'm unaware of.

CG, I hope this helps you understand where I'm coming from. Ask me any question you want, I'll give you a honest answer. Thanks CG.