You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Everyone processes things a different way. I've gotten advice from people to slow down and let all the pain in.

What I'm trying to do -- and circumstances push me that way as well -- is to "work" my way through it.

I guess I'm trying to just keep putting one foot in front of the other -- get out there, meet people, stay connected, work, work and work to lift myself financially -- and one day I'll wake up and say, wow, life feels different/better.

I feel better about myself when finances aren't a worry. So the more I bring in, the more I can pay off and the better I feel about the future. When I'm not working or out with people, I'm worrying about the money, which makes me mad about the D, which makes me anxious about finding someone else, etc.

I also feel better about myself when I'm around people. STBXW and the girls were my main focus for 13 years. My life revolved around their schedules. So I've basically created a new schedule revolving around the girls when I have them, my extra jobs and then activities.

And the activities are piling up. Going away party for a friend on Sept. 2. Friends from Virginia and Georgia in on Sept. 3. Have the girls Sept. 4-5. Not sure what I'm doing for Labor Day -- it's STBXW's birthday and I made sure she'd have the girls so I could enjoy the day -- I may take the train in to Chicago to just hang out or perhaps put in another round of golf. Sept. 10 I'm going to an improv performance. Sept. 11-12, working in Chicago again.

Time truly is our only friend and I'm just trying to make mine move more quickly.

Nothing really to report today. Girls stayed over and we didn't do much of anything. I was tired. They were tired. D8 did want to go for a walk through the park to the beach and we did that. It's cooler now so the mosquitos weren't out.

Got them to sleep a little later than I wanted, but they woke up fine. D11 caught the bus and I drove D8. This really p*sses STBXW off, but I don't care. Because STBXW has to be at work by 8:15 -- which is when school starts -- the girls HAVE to ride the bus. D8, for some reason, has to be at the bus stop at 7:18 a.m. That's crazy. I just drive her every time so we don't have to leave the apartment until 7:55 a.m. She'll get a full 30 more minutes of sleep the nights she stays with me.

At the last second today though we discovered homework she hadn't finished. Unlike D11, who would have panicked and thrown a dramatic fit, D8 just sat down and cranked out the work in about five minutes. We still made it to school on time. I think D8 has the potential to be a really top-flight student. D11 wants things to be easy. You have to make her finish work.

It wasn't early enough for me to go and meet D8's teacher though. I'll have to do that next week.

I'm still leaning toward doing my own parent-teacher conferences. Last year I let STBXW do all of the talking and didn't ask any questions. She would go on and on about how this is better and that is better. And I don't want to hear it again. The reason they did better last year is we found after-school sitters who stayed on top of them to do their homework so it was done before STBXW or I got home from work.

I found the sitters. I go over what needs to be done after school. But who cares who gets the credit as long as I watch them walk across the stage to get that college degree.

Big, big work day. Have to finish everything tonight so I'm not scrambling tomorrow. I have to be out of here at 2:15 p.m. to see the kids off the bus and then go to run the scoreboard at the football game.

And my Reds are 3 1/2 games up on BobbiJo's Cardinals. It would be amazing to watch the Reds play in October.