Looks good. Now can YOU walk the walk? No more TALK just ACTIONS.
YOU can do it!!!! Just ask Kevin4Dallas. Have you read his thread yet??
The hardest part YOU will deal with is "staying strong" when she comes to you crying and trying to manipulate you with feelings and GUILT like she has before. If you can stay strong and "hold the line" while being RESPECTFUL and PROTECTIVE of YOUR FAMILY. Then YOU will be fine.
j28, Sounds pretty good. Become aware of your behavior and hers that is counter productive. You will have to develop new skills, behaviors and means of communicating to navigate this. Handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
j28, Sounds pretty good. Become aware of your behavior and hers that is counter productive. You will have to develop new skills, behaviors and means of communicating to navigate this. Handle it.
Thanks, Coach. It may not be the path that everyone takes to save their M, but it is the path that I must take. I know my W, and I know what she doesn't like about me. Everyone here does too! I can't do those things to save our M.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
She called and asked if the car had another outlet for power. I told her yes, the cigarette lighter - she said that the GPS power wouldn't fit in there or anything, that it was a different size. She asked again if there was another outlet. I told her that there wasn't. She sighed and said that the outlet has stopped working in the car and it's broken. I told her I was sorry but I didn't think there was another outlet in the car. She sighed and said, "OK, well, I have to go."
I was super nice and joyful on the phone, she seemed upset.
I know what she wanted me to say. I know what I wanted to say. It would have been, "Well, why don't you come by this afternoon and I will take a look at it and see if I can fix it for you."
But I didn't ask that.
However, if she would have said, "Can you take a look at it?" I would have GLADLY done so. That means she values me, and my respect goes both ways.
Instead, she gets a little upset I don't offer it out of my generosity. I could feel it in the air.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I'm thinking about possibly while she is here tonight for dinner and hanging out with S4 that I will just go outside and look at the car. Not even tell her, just go out there and see if it can be fixed.
What do you guys think? Or, should I just let it go?
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
You got this... Stop 2nd guessing yourself. Go back and read all these wonderful posts. You know the answer.
Fixing her problems is what got u into this mess. "Treating me like my father..." Ring a bell??
Tough Love. Remember?? It's time for her to grow up. Put on the BGP's.
Do it if you want to, but that would be the same thing you have been doing.
Once again. If you want different results then try thinking differently. Stop trying to SAVE HER. She needs to DO THE WORK on her own. YOU are not her DADDY...
Stop asking questions you already no the answers to...
Remember your a strong, confident man that sometimes makes mistakes but doesnt 2nd guess himself.
Have you read Kevin4dallas's post yet? You need to see the similarities.
let it go. I had a similar deal with my W, I felt I needed to help her replace a dryer cord, when I made myself unavailable it forced her to handle it herself. You and I both need to stop jumping through hoops when the W rings the bell.
You got this... Stop 2nd guessing yourself. Go back and read all these wonderful posts. You know the answer.
Fixing her problems is what got u in this mess.
Tough Love. Remember?? It's time for her to grow up. Put on the BGP's.
Do it if you want to, but that would be the same thing you have been doing.
Once again. If you want different results then try thinking differently. Stop trying to SAVE HER. She needs to DO THE WORK on her own. YOU are not her DADDY...
Stop asking questions you already no the answers to...
Remember your a strong, confident man that sometimes makes mistakes but doesnt 2nd guess yourself.
Have you read Kevin4dallas's post yet? You need to see the similarities.
You're right PMA - I did know the answer 2 minutes after I posted that. It was what my mind told me to do, not my feelings, that didn't ask her "can i help you little girl, I'm here for you like Daddy"
By that same token it's pursuing. But, if she asks me to fix it for her, that's her pursuing me and that's a good thing.
Thanks! And yes, I've read through K4D's posts, but I will again.
Last edited by john28; 08/26/1007:09 PM.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Exactly. The sooner you stop the ENABLING. The sooner she will have to GROW UP and FACE her RESPONSIBILITIES.
I know it's hard. We all had to do it. But, it's the only way.
You not being nice enough did not FORCE her to invite OM into her life. Her own insecurities and low self-esteem did. Not to mention "daddy issues". So how do you "attempt" to have her face some of these "issues" you take away the "SECURITY BLANKET" - Enter PDT, Coach, Rob, Guc, Stevie way of thinking...
