Making progress and reconnecting.....ayieee

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Perhaps I had misunderstood but I thought CPC said the office was closing next year. Lots can happen by "next year".

Cuts both ways. More time to look for a job closer to home (or in the other direction), too.

Puppy

[CityGirl]

It does cut both ways!

I guess what is really sort of "sticking" with me about this decision is how much worse things will be if CPC is not employed.

To me, not having a job and a stable income would be very, very stressful. And while somebody can try their hardest to find a job that often takes time... usually more time than we want it to. Factor in a very depleted economy in a state that has two MAJOR disasters in five years it's tough. Stress from all angles (then again who doesn't have many angles of stress?!)

While nobody can control anybody, in my mind, the transparency plan that is in place makes things clear. You stray and that is that. And if that is that then at least CPC *can* take care of himself and his daughter and navigate the legalities of divorce with a stable income.

I am sure I am in the minority and that is okay but it's CPC's wife that needs to be busting ass to follow the plan because if she doesn't, she knows what is at stake.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Oh, I agree with all of that CG; I'm just rejecting your premise.

If your point is "It's better for CPC to have a stable job and income than to have nothing at all," I think that's a given. I'm just questioning why it has to be THIS job (sounds like it's the very first one he's heard about, or even pursued since getting the news about his?), rather than looking around first, considering the THREAT that OM poses at this very, VERY tender stage in CPC's reconciliation with his wife.

My brother has as saying: "Never do anything until you have to." I think it applies here.

Puppy

[CityGirl]

Right... I agree with you!

I guess I am not able to really embrace the idea of trying to blend what is best for CPC (job, income) and what is best for the marriage. Because really (and if you are a new person to this site PLEASE don't listen to this, lol!) Mrs. CPC made a MESS when she had her affair. The mess existed pre affair but she made it an absolute sh*t storm. She has been given a second chance but that chance doesn't come without LOTS of hard work.

I understand things are fragile but I guess I think it takes a LONG time to recover from such fragility. In the meantime take care of yourself doing what is best as an individual... time for Mrs CPC to put her money where her mouth is.

It sound cold and unloving and it probably is to a degree. I guess it's hard to know how much fragility a union can take once it has been destroyed. Maybe that is the million dollar question!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think if we're talking how many hours she should work, say, to help pay off legal bills, that were run up due to her infidelity, then yeah -- BGPs all the way. Or having to hear gossip get back to her about what she did -- ditto, that's CONSEQUENCES.

But when it comes to no-contact, I'm a die-hard within the first year or so. WHATEVER IT TAKES is my position. There are people who MOVE TO OTHER TOWNS AND STATES in order to try to save their marriages. It's not too extreme of a position, in my opinion.

Puppy

[CityGirl]

I think that is my issue... the "whatever it takes" ideal.

This is a terribly jaded stance to take (I know and I guess this brief conversation has given me something else to work on, lol!) but had no affair taken place nobody would have to worry about moving to this town where the job is. Childish outlook? Even I can admit, yes, it is. And maybe my own experience is clouding my ability to see CPC's situation with clear eyes but what is the balance between taking care of yourself and the "whatever it takes" for the marriage? It's a rhetorical question really.

So, looking at things the other way... CPC what are the prospects for employment if you don't make this move? If you stay put and find a lesser paying job is your W willing to step up and do more financially for the "greater good". Will you taking another job that pays less but keeps your "home base" protected add problems to the already delicate financial situation are you are in?

[CPCajun]

Thanks CG and Puppy for the input.

The job I was shooting for was a different line of work than what I do. It was a federal job working with the Bureau of Land Mangement.(It is already taken).

I have been working in telecommunications for the past 11 years. The reason for the change up you may ask. I had been laid off 4 times in those past years. I was lucky to find something in my field at home when it came up. I already took a good pay cut to live and work here. To tell the truth, I am just tired of starting over and at the bottom every 3 or so years. Even if I find another job in LA, I am sure I will take yet another hit at living at the bottom of tha barrel. I do not mind starting over once again, but it would have to be a different line of work.


I had worked on the road 7 out of those 11 years too. I already made it clear to W that I will not travel like that ever again. Its not good for the marriage nor for raising a family. Yes, we or I, have one more year left on the contract and does gives plenty of time to find a job. ...depending on this economy.

I did find a few good prospects out in New Mexico. They range in either making alot more money(cost of living factored in) to less money. what ever job I do take, W has already said she would find something full time and pick up the slack. She has already started putting in applications to several positions to transfer to in her line of work. The problem is that they fill as fast as they come out. We'll have to just play it by ear.

oh..and the rocky road get smoother and smoother every day. I do hit that occasional pot hole.

[CPCajun]

Just a little update.

Well, it appears that we are going to move to New Mexico. I told W that given the recent events I do not feel comfortable about the move though. She then got irritated and went on with the 10 year rant. She doesnt care how I feel, because I never did. That I am only doing this because I do not want to move. I re-illerated that this behavior that you are exhibiting is exactly why I do not feel comfortable.

On a side note, I may take up a new career. A good (major)change of pace for everything. I may go back to what I went to college for, law enforcement. I did see a job or two in my line of work,but to tell the truth, the office work is getting old. I do like to be out an about and have the feeling that the next day will not be the same as yesterday.