WAW and me in 11th hour!!!!

[Ken62]

Long Update:

Well I knew XW was going to be coming back to town the week of August 14 to find/move in to an apartment. D21 went out to breakfast with her on Friday August 20 and XW told D21 that OM would be staying back in Illinois and that they would be doing a long distance relationship. Not sure what to make of that but oh well. XW also told D21 that she has been having trouble “tracking”! When I asked D21 what that meant she described it as XW is having trouble remembering things in a correct chronological sequence. I’m not sure if that is the true definition. I’ve had other people tell me that it can mean that XW is having trouble staying focused and staying on task. Any ideas out there?

Opening night for my show was also that Friday night. D21 and some of my friends came to opening night. I had to grow a mustache for the show and I’m not fond of it at all and everyone likes to tease me about it! It went well but I didn’t get to bask in the high for very long because the next morning I received the following e-mail/bomb from XW.

<Begin XW e-mail>

Hi Ken,

I hope your opening weekend went well. The summer has gone by fast and in preparation to return to Colorado to live, I have come to Denver to arrange for an apartment and to take care of some caroling business. As of yesterday, I have moved into another apt. in the same complex as before, and will head back to Illinois on Sunday to finish up the summer there, and will return after Labor Day weekend.

I have some interesting caroling news that I want to share with you. I wanted you to know before the announcement was made, and the Caroling owners agreed with my telling you first, but asked that you not tell anyone before they get a chance to tell everyone in a mass email later today (Saturday).

After careful consideration and much discussion with the Caroling owners, I have agreed to assume ownership of the Caroling Company. To that end, I have had to act fast to form a company/LLC. Thankfully the Caroling owners will still be helping out as consultants for the next two caroling seasons.

I ask you to give careful consideration to this upcoming season. I am not alone in the belief that you are one of our strongest performers. I do not know whether or not you wish to (or are available) to carol this year, but I hope you will continue with us as long as you are happy doing so.

If you want to discuss this further, give me a call or we can email back and forth if that is more convenient.

Sincerely,

XW

<End XW e-mail>

XW and I have belonged to this Caroling group for 10 years (it has been around for 24 years and the current owners have owned it for the past 17 years) and have loved being a part of it every Holiday Season. Last year was the most that XW and I caroled together and XW has been the booking manager for the last two years. My body temperature did go up a bit when I first read the e-mail but it didn’t last long and my gut told me that it really wasn’t a big deal and that I probably would carol again this year. D21 had been told by XW at breakfast the day before and XW also told S24 that morning and both kids made themselves available to me if I wanted to talk to them about it. They both hoped that I would continue to carol because they know how much I love it.

I then received an e-mail from the Caroling owners. The main reason that the current owners are selling after 17 years is because they are in the process of adopting two Latvian sisters. I had many talks with them before, during and after the caroling season last year about XW and my situation.

<Begin Caroling owners e-mail>

Hi Ken - We know that XW emailed you earlier to let you know what has transpired with the Caroling Company. One of the things that has concerned us is how this affects you. We value your friendship and still feel heartbroken about what you have gone through in this last year.

The decision we reached with XW is strictly a business decision and one we felt we needed to make at this critical time in our lives. We don't know what you'll decide to do, but we do know that you have always added tremendous value to the Caroling Company in the past and for that we are very grateful.

Most important to us is that this not affect our friendship with you in any way. Our thoughts and prayers are still very much with you.

Much Love,

The Caroling owners

<End Caroling owners e-mail>

I had called and left a voicemail for the owners before I noticed this e-mail and then I also responded to the owners with the following e-mail.

<Begin my e-mail to owners>

Hi Caroling owners,

I have already left you a voice mail (before I read your e-mail) and want you to know that I totally understand your decision to sell the Caroling business to XW. In some ways I can feel that I helped make it happen. It would have been even better to have been a co-partner with XW in this venture but that was not God's plan. I truly am very happy for you both and XW and hope that this helps get you closer to your adoption goal.

As I said in my voicemail, my gut tells me that I will continue to carol with the Caroling Company because I do love it so much and I also want XW to succeed and thrive. It has been a very interesting year to say the least and I truly appreciate your love and support. I have come quite a way from our sushi dinner last November and I would love to get together again and talk to you both about everything that has happened from my perspective. I know that with your new business arrangement with XW that it may not be possible because I do NOT want to put you in an uncomfortable situation.

I do have concerns with XW's mental state but I haven't really talked to her or seen her since May. The situation with the kids is still very sad and I'm sure that XW still blames me for a lot that has happened. I'm not sure if she is in counseling (I still am and D21 has even gone to see my counselor on her own) but that is really none of my business anymore. That all being said I do hope that XW thrives and succeeds with this new venture of hers.

I do thank you for your continuing thoughts and prayers and I want you to know that I am still praying for both of you and the girls.

With love also,

Ken

<End my e-mail to owners>

<Begin Caroling owners reply e-mail>

Ken,

We did get your VM too. Thank you for being so gracious, professional and understanding. It has not been lost on us that you were partly responsible for this being able to happen. This will help us towards our goal. Mostly, it will go to making our personal finances a little more sturdy for our application process and for when the girls get here. So don't be surprised when you see continued fundraising efforts. : ) It's a huge undertaking for sure.

After a bit more time has passed, we would love to get back together to catch up. It's true that at the moment the timing is not the best for that. It might interest you to know that XW does not talk about it from her perspective at all. Since we are in a business venture together she has kept the two very separate.

Again, we so appreciate the high road that you have taken. Your understanding means a lot to us.

The Caroling owners

<End Caroling owners reply e-mail>

I talked to several people that day and some thought I should take a year off and others thought that I should do whatever feels right. My sisters all agreed that I should do what I want to do but to keep my boundaries and if it gets bad to be sure to have a way out of my contract if need be. I talked to a new lady friend of mine for over an hour about it. She is going through her own crisis with her separated husband and her D9 and D7. It was a wonderful talk and I told her most of the back story about XW and me and she had some very good questions. The ironic thing that we found out during the conversation is that we share the same birthday! That is kind of weird if you ask me.

I decided that on my way to the theatre that night that I would call XW and tell her what I had decided. It went to voicemail so I left a very upbeat message congratulating her and telling her that I planned on still caroling. As I finished my voice mail she was calling me back after missing my call. We talked for about ten minutes and we hadn’t talked since we had last seen each other 3 months ago when she showed up at church back in May.

I again congratulated her and told her that I planned on returning. I offered to be a sounding board if she every wanted me to do that for her and I also offered my house for rehearsals but also mentioned that if it would be too difficult for XW to be in the home that I understood.

I also used the conversation to warn XW that I would be starting the annulment process soon and that I would need her new address so that the church could contact her.

I then sent the following e-mail to XW a few days later.

<Begin my e-mail>

Hi ODC,

I just wanted to say again how genuinely thrilled I am for you on acquiring the Caroling Company. I'm not sure how I sounded in my voicemail or on the phone that night so I just wanted to put it in writing. I think it is a perfect thing for you to do because we both know of your drive, passion and love for caroling with the Caroling Company and I'm sure that it will translate into big success for you. D21 mentioned that you had said that the Caroling owners had approached you numerous times but that you put them off because you were concerned about how it would affect me (hopefully I got that right). I want to thank you for thinking of me in that way but please know that it was not necessary.

I forgot to tell you how much I LOVE the name of your company! Your brother, I'm sure is very pleased!

Hope your travels continue to be safe and know that I want only happiness for both you and I in our new lives.

Looking forward to seeing you this Fall at Caroling meetings/rehearsals,

Ken

P.S. I did call and tell D19 the big news. (I hope you don't mind.)

<End my e-mail>

The reason I told D19 about it is because D19 has made it clear to XW that she “needs space” and does not want to hear from XW. I haven’t heard back from XW an frankly I would be surprised if she were to reply.

I did however receive one more e-mail from XW on Tuesday night.

<Begin XW e-mail>

Hi Ken, I just wanted to let you know that I did hear back from my employer today and my appeal was denied. Of course, I am very disappointed. I have attached the letter they sent and from what they say in it, I guess I wonder what kind of scenarios would be acceptable. I do not know what to do at this point other than to begin shopping for insurance. Just thought you should know.

Thanks,
XW

<End XW e-mail>

I have no intention of replying to this. I contacted XW back on June 29 and told her that her employer had left a long VM for her at the house about the fact that she was not signed up for insurance but she responded that “they have their wires crossed” and that it was not a big deal. Now she doesn’t have insurance but I have nothing to feel guilty about. I’m sure XW wants to blame me for this but I did everything possible to make sure she had health insurance. She just dropped the ball.

Sorry for the long post but I wanted to get it all out there.