Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

I'm still amazed at how little anger or outrage you show at her behavior over the years. Then you bow down to her littlest wishes. It probably perplexes your wife as well.

Believe me when I say that I am angry. I am very angry that I was treated this way by her. Furious.

But by that same token, I did the same to her. I controlled her, I manipulated her, I wasn't there for her, I was selfish, etc. I caused the same pain - except I didn't do it with some OW.

By nature, I want us to stop hurting each other. That's the first step. Anything beyond that is where a plan must formulate to fight for my family.

I can fight for my family with strength and honor without being nasty or disrespectful. I can also fight for my family without allowing her to be nasty or disrespectful.

That's what it's going to take to save this M. Honor, integrity, Love.

Believe me - I'm outraged. But I have to accept what has happened, just as I have to accept that my W has moved out and from now on I might possibly have less time with my S4 which I desire most in this world.

since you don't follow anyone's advice here. What's your plan?

Good point.

Begin by accepting where I'm at. I can't change how I got here. I'm just here. I do know how I got here though. I know the behaviors that I can control that got me here. Then, look at what kind of man I want to be. Strive and work towards that man by GAL, looking within, working on my spirituality and physical/mental health. I'm not in a good place right now, nor am I the man I want to be.

I'll say that again - I'M not the man I WANT to be. I'm doing this for me now... Not so I can be the man I want to be FOR HER and keep her.

After I feel I have done that with reasonable success and I'm on the right path to doing so, and only concern contact with W on kid issues, then I can begin by GAL and DB at the same time.

Until then, I'm just that "little boy" that is whining and crying. Unattractive. Not someone W wants to be with.

If I don't change that first, the rest is futile.

So, I only have two steps in place for my plan, but that's a start. During that I will not offer support of the decision for my W to get a D, or support her in any way unless it is monetarily. No emotional support - she has to live with this decision. I have to let her have this "crucible". I will however stop fighting this D by not standing in the way of it.

If I stand in the way of D (i've got a year until it can be done) it will only cause her to push harder for it, and in turn push her further away from me.

And if I work towards a D with her amicably, she'll see I'm not fighting and controlling her anymore.

I made mistakes with DB before. I have to learn from them. When she was in the house living here all I did was think about "how can I keep her here?" and that ultimately pushed her into leaving by me being demanding, whiny, blaming, manipulative and controlling. Maybe if I had detached earlier and done the same actions, they would have looked to be coming from a place of love for my family, and not fear. Instead, I chose fear to govern my actions.

This time, I do not choose fear to govern my actions. That's an easy thing to say, but a hard thing to do.

I have to GAL and 180 again. I'm starting over this time. I know the mistakes I made before and if I continue to make them I'll have no chance.

I will not however act disrespectful to my W. That does not mean I can not be detached, it means that I will not do anything to purposefully hurt her and in turn manipulate the situation. I will not however feel bad if my actions which were respectful bring her pain, nor will I be manipulated to feel my respectful actions are wrong. That is her own conscious telling her that she is wrong.

I have been listening to all of you. I'm just not very good at it.