I think you're probably right, that most people do enter adulthood with some level of codependent instincts. So many childhoods do set us up for that. The good news is that it is possible finally to "grow up" and shed the codependence--and the fact you're eager to read about the subject indicates your willingness to take the next step.
The bad news is, it hurts to grow. However, it's an issue that pretty much every person on this site has dealt with or is dealing with. Most come here codependently desperate to save their marriages at any cost. Over time they learn to save themselves, in the process shedding the codependence. Sometimes, that growth inspires their spouses to move forward in their own journeys, and the marriage is saved.
As you say, knowledge helps. So does some compassion in a difficult time--do you have a network of friends or family to turn to?
