Steady, getting caught up here. You sound like me in some ways: I do great with the big picture stuff but I always question the little interactions/niceties of what I should be doing on a day to day basis. On one hand, it's nice when things are pleasant. On the other hand, you don't want to be too friendly and make the WS comfortable with their bad behavior. While knowing you're to be living life for yourself and kids, you always want to behave in ways to draw WS back. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here on a DBing forum! LOL
My sitch is different in that H and I are not separated, but it's still hard to discern at times what to do.
The chicken sounded fine to me!
I'm right there with you Sunny. Some days I don't want to 'draw her back in' and other days I feel like I do. It's a tug of war sometimes. I question my motives when each one of them comes up.
Do I want a woman who can't look at herself and take responsibility for her part in all of this? A woman who only blames me? Someone who can lie and fabricate things in court papers? Someone who came after me twice trying to get an Order of Protection to take me away from my kids and my home?
But I also remember a time when we were close and in love. A time when we had a lot of fun, enjoyed each others company, actually showed our insides to each other. That time isn't now and is just a memory. That becomes the conundrum. The way the WS is now and the way they were and the vision of the way the things could be. The irony of it is we get into a position where we have the opportunity to actually build a healthy relationship which could surpass anything we ever dreamed of. But again, both people have to show up to the field.
I had my Psychiatrist tell me the other day - "I know you did everything you could possibly do to save your marriage and keep your family together. You should know that too. You're a great example of someone who takes responsibility and goes out and makes the changes that need to be made." I know this is true.
She would have to jump through so many hoops to win me back I just could never see it happening.
In the meantime I keep pushing forward, improving myself, my life and my ability to parent my kids.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
