Now that you know this DB stuff, maybe use it a bit on the ole ex! I totally think you don't need to "keep your mouth shut". Why?? You have years of wisdom in you now--let it out!
I have been around here long enough to have developed some theories...lol.
This is one of them: You can "lead" by communication and example. Truth darts are SO powerful!! I have seen them work wonders around here. And being upbeat and positive comes natural to us...lol. We have a multitude of skills now, don't you think we need to use them??
I plan on using my DB skills on EVERYONE and EVERYWHERE--really, it's just using what you know to bring out the best in people--what is wrong with that??
Of course, if you can mess with some guy's head and make it a little fun....hahahaha!!!
So play on his LL, use the word "respect" a lot. And go ahead and try! But of course stay detached and not too invested in the whole thing.
For example: "Ex, I respect that you ...blah blah blah, but I think you should.....blah"
Then hang up. or text it--it is really powerful as a text. They read it over and over. Then go dark a bit...
You KNOW how this goes!!!
Now go forth and let your little DB light shine!! lol
He does like to ride in and save the day! He is very generous as an example he paid for our night(the 5 of us and him) out in Branson the show and dinner. I was trying to pay for dinner but he laid his money down right there. I did send him a check to cover dinner but he hasn't cashed it. He is not used to women paying and honestly I doubt that they offer. When we met for lunch, just the two of us, he made a comment about women have never paid, but he did let me. Impressed him a bit, I think.
When he got together with her, he did ask me to respect that he was now in a relationship. So I haven't texted or emailed since June. I did send a thank for my D10's birthday card the was sent out by his business since D10 asked me to thank him for her. Funny she got it two weeks late.
He does also need to get me a copy of my tax return. He did them for me for free and believe me I tried to pay then too. He sent me home with a disk but he must not have gotten the return burned on it, just some ad for his office. I had reminded him a couple of times before and he keeps forgetting.
So that is where I sit. I have a couple of reasons to contact him but I have been waiting until that early stage of infatuation dies down so he might actually realize I contacted him about something.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
My H has just gotten worse and worse over the years, but really--he has never been great. I consider us to have had a sex-starved marriage most of our our married life. And while I personally have no problem with porn used in the right setting, my H over the years I found was watching tons. I asked him to stop, didn't think much of it, and then when it would get really bad I would find that he was using it again. So now I consider it cheating, and he has basically "cheated" us out of a sex life for a long time.
He is a very angry, sulky guy. Oh yes, I am SOOO tired of that.lol.
I still am DBing him--see the post I wrote to Kat above. I mean, once you have these skills how do you stop using them?? They are a huge part of "me" now and if it brings out the best of him, what the heck!
But I am not terribly "hopeful". He served me with D papers 3 weeks ago, so things are moving in that direction. I am, for the most part, doing great! to his horror!!lol. I have my moments of panic (mostly because angry guy comes out now and again and wants to take my S and leave me penniless). But for now, there is this weird nice guy who yesterday told me a bolt on my horse cart is broken and he is and I quote" concerned abuot my safetly (!!?) and today has run out to get me a new one!lol.
He'll never be able to get rid of me--I know how to get to him like no one else can!!lol.
You need to poke your head out and send something....
Gee, wish you weren't that interested in him--how bad is it??
You know how to detach and get a life if it doesn't work--so I say.. just do it!!!
So much fun! Something like...
"Ex, I hope all is well. I need to (XYZ). I respect your relationship as you have asked, but I need you to XYZ..."
Use "respect" at least once, better if twice. Do you know his LLs? And he likes to be the hero....hm...
Post something and we'll fine tune it.lol.
OK, girl, you can see from my posts that I don't make this easy on any guy around me.lol. I say you are too much the "nice girl" and you need to get in there and mess with him! Hone your skills woman!!
D4ML, I hope you are reading this stuff--you got your "day" coming!!lol.
And ladies, if it isn't fun, stop. If you don't know how to detach and GAL and shake it off, stop. I am in a "I don't care" mode with my H, so this isn't hard any longer for me.
I need to post later today what I did to my H. OMG--I crack myself up!
But I DO hope you'll join me because I tell ya, You have the ability--and we can have a TON of fun with this stuff!!!
D4ML, I hope you are reading this stuff--you got your "day" coming!!lol.
oh i'm reading. your sitch puts a smile on my face. you have a great attitude despite what's going on around you.
i'm sure my day will come. i'm not looking forward to it. i'm obviously not ready yet. and i appreciate you trying to get me to that point.
Quote:
But I DO hope you'll join me because I tell ya, You have the ability--and we can have a TON of fun with this stuff!!!
do you see the fun i'm having? my latest journal post. i'm terrible. i accuse my h of seeing someone else. yet .. here i am .. eyes are wandering .. heart is pounding .. for the three hours i'm at squash .. i don't think about my h at all.
My sister is an excellent raquetball player. She is ALWAYS being approached by guys to play. I keep trying to teach her this stuff, but she is not confident in her "man skills". Well, she does always pick the smooth-talking cheater types.
I am hoping I can change the "type" I go for--I like the controlling abusive types myself.lol.
I am hoping I can change the "type" I go for--I like the controlling abusive types myself.lol.
LOL. you're hilarious!
i don't know what my type is. maybe i like those who are a little rough around the edges and need a bit of polishing up. nothing a little tlc and a can of pledge can't fix.
like buying antiques. they have a charm to them. if they are brand new or too perfect .. there is nothing to 'fix' and that's no fun.
Yes, it is bad. He found me last September on FB. I wasn't very receptive at first since I still remembered our break up from 28 years ago! lol Anyway, he kept sending me messages and I would give short replies. Then in mid-November, he started an IM convo with me. Explained about how he had been in an accident, lost a good chunck of his memory but that when he started to remember it was high school time and of course, me. Wanted to let me know how he hoped he hadn't hurt me and that I had been a great girlfriend. He couldn't remember how or why we broke up. We kept messaging each other over the next few months.
Then we talked in mid-February until his phone battery died(about 2.5 hours) and then he wrote me a note and had it translated to Danish for me. (I had been an exchange student and my leaving was part of the reason he broke up with me)So that got to me as no one in 28 years had done that for me...not even my former H. There is other stuff and more time spent with him but too much to post now. Just wanted you to get the feel of it.
Anyway, back to now. I could send something like: "K, I have been respecting your relationship and not contacting you, however you still haven't cashed my check that I mailed you. I like to be in balance and this has been throwing me off."
What do you think? Neutral enough?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ok, had to get this into my thread--this is just for me guys, as I have turned into "doormat extrordinaire" over here in my sitch.
Like many men and women you seem to associate love as only being flirty, nice, kind, turn the other cheek, etc. etc..
Sometimes you can NOT display strength and love. It sometimes just isn't possible to display them both at the same time...
Sometimes you have to display strength and allow them to believe that you don't love them.
Many display love and don't allow them to believe you have strength because of that.
Sometimes the correct thing is to display strenght and loving by being strong and loving YOURSELF.. It isn't always about loving them.
The strongest thing you can sometimes do is to show NO LOVE.Sometimes the loving thing looks like the hateful thing on the surface...
Those who battle this issue of how to display strength and loving are usually onlhy struggling with cake eating, door mat behavior and lettting go. They are usually struggling more with being strong than with loving. They sometimes want others to help them be enablers by telling them to "just keep on loving them, they will come around."
There should be more help on how to display strength than how to display love. We have an endless supply of people on this site trying to show how much they love their wayward. They do and try everything they can think of and even things others tell them to do to show love... That isn't the issue. The issue is strength."
my latest journal post. i'm terrible. i accuse my h of seeing someone else. yet .. here i am .. eyes are wandering .. heart is pounding .. for the three hours i'm at squash .. i don't think about my h at all.