The feelings are so intense. I just want to crawl out of myself if that makes sense. The problem with us is we've been avoidant and nothing has changed. I am trying to be detached but think it's hurting us, but I know trying to talk to him does too.
Then I get confusing messages from him. I came home yesterday and he had dinner made and we laughed (I tried hard to laugh but it's difficult.) He even offered to wash my car, but I told him that I would do it. He still cleaned the trunk for me. Is this his guilt? I just want to hug and kiss him and to think clearly before he throws it all away. I was sitting there looking at the kids thinking...this could all be over soon. The kids have no idea we are fighting but I suspect they know something is up because I look sad. I cant't stand sleeping in the same bed with him because he falls asleep so quickly, like it's not bothering him. And I want him so badly to say..let's fix this for us and the kids.
I am rambling and certainly desperate.
Desperate,
You're not getting it (that's ok -- many new people don't). Your husband can SMELL your fear and your desperation, and it's evident from your posts and even from the username you chose for yourself!
When you accept these favors from him, while he's wayward, he just sees this as you accepting what he's doing. He's trying to "normalize" the affair. It's classic infidelity SCRIPT.
And this:
Quote:
The problem with us is we've been avoidant and nothing has changed. I am trying to be detached but think it's hurting us, but I know trying to talk to him does too.
is another classic newbie mistake. DBing IS COUNTERINTUITIVE -- it won't feel natural. BEING DETACHED DOESN'T HURT YOU!
Have you read DB or DR yet? Because these are all VERY BASIC concepts, that you're going to need to understand and use like YESTERDAY if you're going to have any sort of shot at this.
