The feelings are so intense. I just want to crawl out of myself if that makes sense. The problem with us is we've been avoidant and nothing has changed. I am trying to be detached but think it's hurting us, but I know trying to talk to him does too.
Then I get confusing messages from him. I came home yesterday and he had dinner made and we laughed (I tried hard to laugh but it's difficult.) He even offered to wash my car, but I told him that I would do it. He still cleaned the trunk for me. Is this his guilt? I just want to hug and kiss him and to think clearly before he throws it all away. I was sitting there looking at the kids thinking...this could all be over soon. The kids have no idea we are fighting but I suspect they know something is up because I look sad. I cant't stand sleeping in the same bed with him because he falls asleep so quickly, like it's not bothering him. And I want him so badly to say..let's fix this for us and the kids.
I am rambling and certainly desperate.
Me 40 H 42 S 16 D 15 Together for 23 years Married 18 Blow up 8/21/10 DBomb-but hiding for the kids sake? 8/25/10
