Lance-I appreciate you pointing out the reciprocal. It was important to have it ststed rather than assumed. Oddly,after a night in bed (sleep is a relative term), I feel strangely calm and somewhat resigned to non-reconciliation. I am beginning to seriously doubt whether I want her back anymore. Don't fully understand why this perspective hit so fast or hard, but I'm losing my interest in her returning. And it keeps framing itself as "xxx bhvr is unhealthy for me"
Steady-I think you earned a "Stcky that Sucka" from Puppy with your last. In fact, I'm gonna take your response and put it on SunnyD's thread. She sounds like she's in the came leaky boat as I am. Looking for clues; trying to know what she should do next IN RESPONSE TO/TO GENRATE THE RIGHT RESPONSE FROM her H. All her actions, thoughts and reactions are dependent on HIM. She (and I) are lookinh through the wrong end of the telescope.
Gritter-Very nicely put, my friend, "I KNOW". I say I know but do I really? I read and hear the theory. I understand the concepts; scripts; etc. But I am still struggling to ACT on the underlying motive. I've discussed it severeal times. DB'ing draws us in with the hope and plan to recover our marriages. But underneath it all, disgiused in the GAL'ing and 180's, and "Be the Better Option', etc, is THE LIFE LESSON. It's less about them than it is about us. It is really all about us. Reframing our lives; looking through the right end of the telescope; abandon the idea you can control anything other than you. Subtly, it becomes less about the rebuilding the marriage and more about rebuilding ourselves. If we were half the problem in the marriage, WORK ON THAT HALF and you will find the marriage improves or it doesn't. But that will be OK becasue either way you are ready for the rest of your life and are now on the right road. Yes, this is the Advanced Class, and the teachers tell me I'm keeping up OK, I lose sight of the fact that there is "the lab portion". Knowing is only half the grade. DOING/EXPERIENCING is the other.
PEI-Read your post this morning. I loved it. You, my dear, are inspiring. I never would have seen that perspective for next Thursday (my Anniversary). Please remember to flash your light back my way now and again so I can try to keep up. You're on the path I'm trying to follow.
Today is another day. One at a time. Do my best with this one. Don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Can't change either. (Thanks, ERIC!)
Thanks to all. I shudder to think where I'd be without you.
