I know exactly what you are going through. My W is acting the same way. Under normal circuimstances she is a walking medical dictionary and always pushes everyone in the family to the right direction when it comes to health. When small ailments have bothered hes she has taken action immediately.
But now she is dragging her feet just like yours. She is avoiding further tests which should be done. It's like she has accepted the fact that she has MS without wanting to know for sure. I can see that every day. The bad days she mopes and is looking for some comfort from me. On good days she is trying to have fun with her friends and and neglects me and our pets.
Like you I'd like to put this whole DB on hold for awhile and get to the bottom of her health issue, but I can't. I have a milestone date coming up. I am due telling her what I think aobut our sitch. The advice I've gotten here leaves me only with two options to give her - I'm leaving or we reinvent the R.
It comes down to my delivery speech, the words I use and how I handle her reactions and responses. It will be a tough task. I can't bring the healt issue into the picture but it certainly is constantly on my mind.
I have to be prepared to deal with the worse - leave her, our pets and our house. How she will manage her life from that moment on, I don't know but I suppose it isn't for me to worry about anymore. I don't know how not to care...
