Yeah, I'm surprised at how my expectations have really changed. I don't expect this to work out; I hope it does, but I know the odds, and I know my wife. It'll be really hard for her to forgive; it doesn't come easily for her. In some ways, I'm the one who had an affair with my computer! At least in her eyes. Of course I know that the computer was only one of many symptoms of a dysfunctional relationship.
But I hope things improve, and I'm making sure that I improve myself regardless of the outcome. My newest goal is emotional stability; not getting upset about things so much, being calmer around my girls, more sociable with coworkers, finding my sense of humor again. Heck, just flirting and joking with my wife has been a huge eye-opener; I can be funny! It's been so long since we joked around, that I had forgotten how fun it could be to tease and flirt.
But I don't want to fool myself. For every PDT/OIN/Coach & Greek/ Robx, there's probably 100 failures; failures regardless of the strategy used. This is really hard stuff to repair, even with the best of plans.
I have a dance date tonight with my W. I woke up excited about it, and I'm still excited about it. It may flame out, crash and burn; it may be a roman candle that ignites a new love between my W and me. I'm just going to have fun, enjoy some drinks, listen to some fun music, have a great conversation with my W, and hopefully not step on any toes! Anything else that comes of that is gravy.
