Things between me and H were going very well after we dismissed D, so well that I felt comfortable again (H appeared to be the same, appeared is the key word here).
He was texting or calling everyday. Conversations lasting upwards of 2 hours. Some of our texting was very provocative and sexy. Very good!
He was asking about me and genuinely caring and concerned about my day and life or son's. Very good!
He came to my rescue with help at home and with my truck, numerous times. Very good!
He came for supper when I invited, I kept invites minimal. However, he had not got to the point to ask me out for supper. Once in a while he would call me and invite himself over. I always said yes and would even go out of my way to make sure there was more for him (when the original plan was just for me and son). Again, very good!
The problems seem to come back because I became too comfortable...I literally began to pursue him. I recognized it and still thought it would be ok.....Nope!! It wasn't ok, he wasn't really ready. In fact it scared the h*ll out of him!!
Here's what I did:
I began initiating more playful text and invites or calling him about more random trivial topics. It went pretty good for a while and then I started to notice a gradual decline in responses from H.
In a conversation in early July, after he began to pull back, I initiated a R convo. At one point in the conversation I mentioned to him that I didn't feel things were going all that well with us. I didn't think he loved me the way a man should love his wife. I told him he was unable to get away from the OW. I told him that I was going to stop initiating any communication with him to give him some space to think out what he really wants. I have maintained that completely. He has run right back into the tunnel and is once again back with OW.
Two weeks after that H initiated a R convo. In that talk he told me "I never see myself coming back to you". We talked off an on all day overall about 4 hours.
Two weeks ago he came over to visit, then after a 2.5 hour conversation with me, which was fun and easy and comfortable he confessed that he had brought D papers back to me to sign that evening but said he couldn't because He didn't want a D. H admitted he is very unhappy and sad. Can't sleep, eat, work. Doesn't know what he wants still, knows that he has to do something. Before he left, he asked me anyway if I wanted to sign them I said "NO". H did admit that now that he is back with OW she is driving him hard once again to get a D.
I have not heard from H since...
My advice to you....take this super super slow. Let H take the lead. Let H become comfortable on his own time frame without any impatience/aggression on your part. Do not read more into what is. Enjoy what you have with him today. IMO, it's better than what you had with him last year at this time so use me as an example of "what not to do".
The message is simple....we all have said it many times here....Time and patience is the key. When the positives appear, do not get impatient and never pursue. We alone cannot determine if and when our H's are out of this crisis. He has to complete the journey all by himself. Let him lead the way and tell you.....
(((Cas))), I wish you well...I admit I have thought about you just about everyday...you might be one of the lucky ones here.
Your H needs gentle and tender touches....
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
