H said he wished he wouldn't have told me anything and in his words "faked me out" until my daughter turned 18 and then he would have left.
This is basically what happened to me. After an uncomfortable Father's Day, I asked her if she was happy. She lept at the opportunity to say "No!" Then later she said she wished she had never answered, and that she should have just kept "sucking it up."
Does anyone think it would be appropriate if I gave my H a copy of the first chapter of Divorce Remedy? I really want him to consider long term and right now I'm not sure he's thinking that way.
If this is going to be the death of us, I want to make sure no stone is left unturned for me and the kids.
I am trying to give him space, but I want him to have as many tools as possible and I'm super worried that he's chosen a therapist who is not pro-marriage. I think my H is going for reassurance that what he is considering is right and on the surface if I were a therapist with H, I'd say hell yeah, leave her. Is it OK to ask H to (1) make sure the therapist is pro-marriage and (2) giving him a copy of DR? I dont want to push us farther back.
Me 40 H 42 S 16 D 15 Together for 23 years Married 18 Blow up 8/21/10 DBomb-but hiding for the kids sake? 8/25/10
I think it would be a good idea for him to read the first chapter. The answer to your second question depends on what issues you have. If he feels you are controlling then I would leave it alone. Also - would he listen to you if you didn't approve of his therapist?
I can tell you that the W and I are in MC. She went to her individual therapist today and after one session the therapist told her that divorce was the answer. I am not sure what was said but I question the therapist's ability to give an opinion after one meeting. Our MC called me and told me that he was shocked that any therapist would recommened a D after one meeting unless there was assaultive type behavior (there hasn't been). Our MC thought that we had a good chance to fix our M.
I would be really careful about whatever therapist he chose but realize there isn't a lot that you can do about it (maybe someone else may have a different thought as I am by no means an expert). I am still learning as I go...
I think if she puts the hammer down to quickly on him that she could push him further away. Sounds like she has been trying to push him into staying in the M and should just back off and give him some space and time. While he's figuring things out she needs to GAL and move on herself so she becomes more attractive to him.
M-34, H-37, No Kids Married 4yr, Together 6yr Discovered EA 7/24/10 Separated 8/6/10 Filed 8/16/10 H Moved home and Piecing 9/20/10 H returns to OW 12/10 EA was really PA I file 12/29/10 I move out 12/30/10
Gef, Thanks for your response. No he would not listen if I told him I didn't like his therapist. I am not controlling of him, but in this case I am. There's just so much at stake.
Wow, I am so sorry about your wife's therapist but you are still continuing to go? Is that a good sign or are you trying to just get through it.
Me 40 H 42 S 16 D 15 Together for 23 years Married 18 Blow up 8/21/10 DBomb-but hiding for the kids sake? 8/25/10
I've been so had trying to GAL but its becoming incresingly difficult and in mind mind I have a problem with doing it so I am more attractive to my H. That's the reason he's leaving. He said he's not into me like that anymore, but yet says I'm beautiful. Uggghh deep breath
Me 40 H 42 S 16 D 15 Together for 23 years Married 18 Blow up 8/21/10 DBomb-but hiding for the kids sake? 8/25/10
