Stitching together a new quilt

[Gardener]

TH,

LOL. I was thinking the same thing. His C is also getting divorced, and that means his C is divorcing him too

I should have been more specific: She and her husband are moving.

[Gardener]

Oh, and p.s.:

...things are never be quite as perfect as we might hope, but they're rarely as bad as we fear.

Amen!

Peace,

[FindingMyVoice]

A good starting point for your next session with her, I'd say.

Yes, and I'm sure she'll have volumes to say on it (yeep!). Learning to ask for help when I need it is what she'd been working on with me since last year. I get why I began having troubles with it (as a child); I just don't get what it's going to take for me to change it.

Not yet. With my house on the market and me poised to move, my time with her - my time here - was going to be somewhat temporary, anyway. With luck, I'll be gone before she is.

Wow - I didn't realize you were actually moving cities?

[Gardener]

FMV,

Yes, and I'm sure she'll have volumes to say on it (yeep!). Learning to ask for help when I need it is what she'd been working on with me since last year. I get why I began having troubles with it (as a child); I just don't get what it's going to take for me to change it.

Not to minimize such life-long patterns (I have my own!), but just like DB, baby steps. Pick something small and just ask (I know, I know).

Wow - I didn't realize you were actually moving cities?

Yep. Done with the Northeast. Funny, X and I were going to move outta here in 2012. Hopefully, I'll be heading out early next year. Colorado or Oregon.

Peace,

[FindingMyVoice]

Not to minimize such life-long patterns (I have my own!), but just like DB, baby steps. Pick something small and just ask (I know, I know).

Funny you should write that just now. Just got off the phone from leaving my IC a voicemail, requesting her to give me a call if/when she had an availability. Ridiculous the amount of courage that took.

Hopefully, I'll be heading out early next year. Colorado or Oregon.

Wow that sounds wonderful. Either locations look like great options. We're near the Rockies in our location, and there's nothing like it. (Not to boast about the west though... I'm a little biased!)

[Gardener]

FMV,

Just got off the phone from leaving my IC a voicemail, requesting her to give me a call if/when she had an availability. Ridiculous the amount of courage that took.

Good! There's a baby step. A very reasonable one. One that you are entitled to.

We're near the Rockies in our location, and there's nothing like it. (Not to boast about the west though... I'm a little biased!)

Where do you live (only if you want to answer, of course)?

Peace,

[FindingMyVoice]

Good! There's a baby step. A very reasonable one. One that you are entitled to.

Thanks Gardener. I appreciate you saying that.

Where do you live (only if you want to answer, of course)?

Alberta. A little cool in the winter, but nothing like where I grew up in Saskatchewan!

[FindingMyVoice]

Was just searching the boards and found a couple quotes on swimmingupstream's thread I wanted to remember.

SteveMcQueen:
I would be asking yourself the question, why do I allow [him] to make me feel insignificant?

It's really odd the psychological reversal that happens when a WAS manages to convince the LBS that it's their fault for everything. [my note:- not that I'm a LBS; this just caught at me for some reason]

swimmingupstream:
I was cleaning out my in box today and came across email exchanges from early 2009 between my husband and myself and I am mortified that I talked the way that I talked about myself. I lacked confidence and showed no respect for myself. I was needy and relied too much on him to validate how I felt about myself. I have really found my strength in the last few months and I have realized that I am such a better person now. I don’t nag, b****, or complain and while it is hard to hear some of the things that my husband says to me and I find myself getting worked up I realize that I now have the ability to calm myself and walk away.

[FindingMyVoice]

Just a journal. Who am I trying to protect? This is a question my IC asked me a while back, and I've been thinking about it alot. In fact this morning, just as I was waking up it popped into my head again. Further, as I was out on my walk this morning a couple things occurred to me:

I tried to put remember when this downhill 'slide' started, and as closely as I can figure it was after a serious discussion I had with H; about mid-July. A couple weeks after getting back from holidays. In this discussion, H was relating to me some serious concerns he had about a non-M issue. I'd known about this previous, but he hadn't shared the extent to which he'd been struggling, up til this discussion. After this talk, I felt horrible for him, guilty for 'rocking the boat', sad for all the distance we'd both caused in our M, and desperate - yes that's the word - desperate - to fix. I immediately felt responsible for finding a resolution to this situation. I think it was then that I started shutting down again; not sharing my feelings or needs in an open and mutually respectful way.

And then I was remembering a time back when I was young. A very sad time in which I believed I had to care for the people around me, who were in such pain themselves, that they could not care for me. In my child-brain, I felt their needs and pain were so much greater than my own, that I could not even acknowledge my own hurt, nor see that I needed to be cared for. And it made me wonder. Is this what my IC was getting at? Whenever I feel like I have to protect the people I love from pain, do I shut down? Do I stop caring for myself, in favor of protecting and caring for those around me?

[FindingMyVoice]

Thanks again to swimming...

I think you will find that if you start thinking about what YOU want and what YOU need and stop communicating it to him then you will have peace in your life. Change what you can change and the rest will just fall into place.

Swimming also suggested I decide on a goal for myself - like a GAL goal - to give me something to focus on that's just for me. I thought this was just genius, and incredibly helpful. Now that I'm walking consistently and my shins are finally healing, I think my goal is to run (or run/walk if my shins still protest!) a half-marathon. There's a great one near here each fall. Can't do it for this year, but next year, running or walking, that's where I'll be. Thanks again to swimming, your support means a lot!