GAG, I've been following the developments on your tread....you are getting lots of good advice....I know that this must be very difficult for you....the not knowing what the best approach is to open communications with XH, but not to scare him back into his tunnel.....fine line.....However just wanted to say that you are a very smart lady and very, very patient....you'll do the right thing
I also would like to thank you for all of your support and excellent advice you have given me....your advice was always spot on and very practical........you've been great support and help to me....thank you
(((hugs)))
Last edited by Mila; 08/25/1003:00 PM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Thanks for stopping by my thread today. I needed the encouragement.
Well........today was my day off, so busy running around doing errands.....AND......my table tennis lesson. I haven't talked much about my table tennis lessons, but since I was always picked last for teams in phys ed (well, almost last......I was more of a glee club kid and brainiac in h.s.), I have no ego invested in performing well in my lessons and it is truly all fun for me.........My coach is a 'little person' who has won gold and silver medals in the international para-olympics, and he's a VERY good teacher........so today he told me that I'm ready for a faster racquet (that cheered me right up! ) and that he will get me a "professional" racquet at a discount price (YEAH!!!!!!!!!). His doubles partner lives in NYC and coaches some celebrities. My coach told me that I play at about the same level as Susan Sarandon (she is a co-owner of SPiN, a table tennis nightclub in NYC).............Then, later.........I was able to convince my cable company to give me a discount for 6 months,.......so things are beginning to look up!
Thanks for stopping by. I am still struggling, so looking through the archives for encouragement. I went to visit X-MIL yesterday and texted XH a photo of his mother with a message from her while I was there. I do this every time I visit her to let him know that someone has visited with her. He typically texts something back, but this time he didn't text anything.
No expectations. Patience............
Regarding the cable charges, I have priced other alternatives in our area and have seriously considered switching. I told them that I was frustrated with the rates they charge me. I have spoken to them about 1-2 times in the past and talked about this with their customer service to ask if they could do anything about their rate (asked if they had any promotions, etc). I think their willingness to cut ~$24 from my monthly bill for 6 months was just a matter of probabilities. I called enough times that I found someone who was willing to do this. My local cable provider is Comcast.
Thanks for stopping by. I am still struggling, so looking through the archives for encouragement.
Morning GAG, just wanted to stop by and send you my support. Glad to see you're busy with GAL activities like table tennis. Stay strong; keep putting yourself first!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
He typically texts something back, but this time he didn't text anything.
No expectations. Patience............
Good GAG!
Hey, thanks for the info on your cable...we have a satelite and am on contract until Feb. but may try to see what kind of deal they might give me otherwise it is going....
Last edited by courageous wife; 08/29/1012:41 PM.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thanks for checking in! No contact from XH for 1 week now, but in the scope of things that's not that long........although it did give me a wobble since we had begun to interact a lot in a very friendly way. It's possible that he's busy catching up after returning from his vacay/work trip? or maybe misplaced his phone. He does that sometimes. Who knows. I'll probably get a sense of what's up by mid-week. I need to e-mail him something re: a health issue for his mother (something I examined her for at my last visit) but it's nothing urgent so I'll wait a bit.
Yesterday I returned an e-mail from XH's sister and she e-mailed me right back. Very friendly. I have noticed recently that she sends funny little e-mails and addresses them to both XH and me (they're addressed only to XH and me). (She thought H/XH should have worked on our M before D.)
Friday night went with GF (XH's BMF's X-GF.......are you still with me?) to a scavenger hunt at the state fair. It was fun! Walked for 2 hours. She gave me info that suggests that XH and BMF are still estranged, so BMF's negative influence is not in play right now.
Busy today trying to plow through projects around the house. Painting and yard work. Trying to finish so I can play next weekend. Have tickets to see the musical "Wicked" next weekend with a friend.
You know...when H and I were dating years ago, a friend of mine and I went on a pre-H/BF planned vacation to the Black Hills and stayed with my brother. I didn't even think to call him..I was having a great time! I finally did call and could tell he was hurt that I hadn't called...this was in my selfish, still "all about me" days...
What are your plans in two weeks?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Hi CW! Thanks for stopping by. I haven't posted for awhile cuz I was having a wobble and waiting to see if XH would resume communication after his vacay/trip out of town.......So here is my update......
Journaling............ XH told me he was planning to return last thursday (~ 1 week ago). I had gone silent, waiting to see if he would initiate communication. ........Seriously, with the 2 yr bombaversary coming up on Sept 12th I am questioning whether it is time to move on for good. I've been reading others' threads and thinking a LOT! I finally found Cadet's gem of a thread on the MLC board (as they say,....I am so far behind that I think that I am first ) and this is giving me food for thought. I have also found Lance's and HeartsBlessing's comments on the Withdrawal stage very helpful! I've read in a number of places that when the walk-away starts coming around that THIS is the point where exasperated LBSs grow impatient and mess things up.........so I am thinking about this as well.
Anyway, on monday evening (8/30) I received a phone e-mail from XH with a photo of his mother in a hospital bed saying that he had been called by a nurse at X-MIL's facility @ 7AM that day (his 1st day back at work) to take her to the ER. She was admitted for the same old, same old (fluid retention, hi blood pressure) and will probably be discharged tomorrow. X-MIL was asking how my kitty and I were (pretty amazing since she doesn't remember a lot these days). Over the last 2 days XH and I exchanged ~10 e-mails, mostly about his mother. I sent him an e-mail describing observations I had made while visiting his mother recently (i.e. re: function of her oxygen tank, dental treatment she needs, etc) and he was grateful. Friendly stuff. I hinted a bit about table tennis (my coach told me I'm ready for a faster, professional racquet [YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!]), thinking he might want to play, but he didn't pick up on it.
Also, today XH e-mailed the same message to both his sister (X-SIL) and me simultaneously. His sister had started e-mailing both XH and me the same messages a few weeks ago, and now XH has done the same. Seems like it could be a reconnection thing. Don't know if this would be happening if there was a new OW??
My sense from all of this is the following:
--XH's recent subtle withdrawal (no recreational outings in 2 weeks, and no laughey-jokey e-mails in 1 1/2 weeks) is either due to new OW or Withdrawal stage (thanks to Lance for clarification on that). As they say here "3 steps forward and 2 steps back". If there is a new OW I don't think it is a very strong connection or XH wouldn't be communicating as much with me as he has and is. His mother is a big bond between us. It's almost like the universe arranged her hospital admission to pull us back together again????? XH is pretty picky when it comes to women --- he tends to be kind of a perfectionist in certain ways --- so when he left I felt pretty certain he would never remarry. He has control issues because of growing up with chaos and it's difficult for anyone to measure up to his standards.
--XH's Withdrawal began right after we had a fabulous evening playing table tennis with with the Chinese couple. Added to this, the 2 year bombaversary, our wedding anniversary, AND my birthday are in ~ 2 weeks. All of this may have freaked him out a bit..........so I will live my life, plan GAL activities for that weekend (CW, definitely some spa action --- I need some pampering!), watch, and respond as XH initiates. I think the next 2 weeks will be telling in my situation.
Sorry this was long, but it helps to write it all down.
) and that he will get me a "professional" racquet at a discount price (YEAH!!!!!!!!!). His doubles partner lives in NYC and coaches some celebrities. My coach told me that I play at about the same level as Susan Sarandon (she is a co-owner of SPiN, a table tennis nightclub in NYC).............Then, later.........I was able to convince my cable company to give me a discount for 6 months,.......so things are beginning to look up!
) and this is giving me food for thought. I have also found Lance's and HeartsBlessing's comments on the Withdrawal stage very helpful! I've read in a number of places that when the walk-away starts coming around that THIS is the point where exasperated LBSs grow impatient and mess things up.........so I am thinking about this as well.