Hi Friends. Its been awhile. Why? Because I was content getting all of the attention I wanted from a new guy and, quite honestly, I loved it. But I knew that I really needed to face the music and if I wanted to actually stand for my marriage, my head couldn't be clouded by a new Romeo.
So...today...we stopped our incessant texting and the silence has been brutal. At the same time, my H is moving forward full force with a new 2bdrm apt so he can spend time with DD there. I have been having a lovely pity party most of the day, but am slowly stopping the sniffles.
One of the things that has really helped me is addressing all of the lies that I have been letting myself believe. Like: I'm not beautiful, I'm used up goods with no hope for a future. No one will ever want a chick with a kid, I'm never going to have a successful career again, My friendships are only on the surface, Its my fault that my marriage failed.
I have taken all of those lies and placed each on a post it note. Next to each lie, I place another differently colored (indulging in my love for office supplies) post it note with TRUTH. I am beautiful. I have awesome hair. I am able to give grace naturally, I am desired, My friendships are deep and friends value what I have to say, There is wisdom behind my words, I am intelligent, I cannot control my husbands decisions or help/fix him.
The idea is that I will see my post-it covered wall and begin to really believe these truths instead of getting bogged down with the nasty lies. Once I am confident in the truths, the lie post it will get thrown out and I can move forward knowing that I don't receive that lie.
So it has been a crappy week, but I am getting used to the thought that I am pretty awesome and in the end of this, I am going to be ok. That is enough for me to move on to tomorrow.
On a positive note, going out with old friends and my H Friday night as a last hurrah for one of his friends whose wife is about to have a baby. Lots of opportunities there to show off my work over the past few months...and of course, my new skinny jeans!
