my work i s having a happy hr frid, i want to go but feel guilty for leavingg my kids/ Thursday night i wont be done with work till after 630 pm then to just get them taek them home and sleep to be away from them on friday at a happy hour?
rate now their father is in their lives, but it wont last, he wants me to find someone else to watch the kids so he doesn't have to.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
i don't know if anyone would understand this: me and the kids have been without a car phone ect for what 2 months or so, we ride the bus or walk, getting 35 lbs of dog/cat food etc. it's tough but we do it.
suddenly yesterday sil(young 20) is like you can not get on the bus with the kids, car seats, you're gonna carry all that to bus, i just ignored her, now that someone in his family saw it first up what me and the kids do now they are going to have a heart and be all, oh let us help.
I feel like crap that out of sight- out of mind.
we didn't get on teh bus, i called my nephew to take us home or i was going to leave teh car seats at my work. things that i can not stand is h goes and changes things: he does not let me know or even ask. he is supposed to pick us up drop us off, last time i spoke to him he says he's on teh way, i waited over 40 mins called to find out where/when, he says oh well i sent sil to pick you up with kids,. great she did but he does not even inform me of any change or anything.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
In laws have no idea what's happening. My W had only told her dad that we were separating, didn't explain anything behind it. He assumed the worst, that I had cheated or something. She spoke to him yesterday, and he actually told her to tell me "Hi." The shock of a break in a marriage makes everyone cling to their kin, and though some in laws are strong enough to look outside the box, most aren't.
So take the kindness from your SIL for what it is. Be aware though, (and it appears this might be the case) that your H is using your SIL to shirk his responsibilities.
the thought of this just sickens me. be friends, i told him i would never be his friend. iasked him how could he even expect he and i to be friends?
I said after you decided to destroy this family, now you want me to be your friend? he's like where do you get i'm destroying my family? I say, that is what divorce is, a destruction of a family, he's like i'm not destroying the family, i say yes, because you are so heavy on the divorce trail.
i say how can you expect to be my friend, get along when we could never get along being married and now suddenely we will be oh so happy to talk and discuss the kids, i explained that parenting is hard enough as it is, that he and i do not even have the same parenting styles, we don't have same rules which makes it even more difficult on our children. i tell him that he only thinks about the moment, not the future impact of everything.
he seems to think that the kids won't have difficulty later on in life with relationships.. that him riding ruff shot will prevent his daughter from teenage pregnancy...there is no guarentee all the negative things that come from divorce from the short term problems to the long term life long damages will happen, but it is almost guarenteed. i try to say even in the most amicable divorces the children blame themselves, have difficulties in school, etc etc. all the evidence of children from divorced families.
he doesn't understand right of refusal. he thinks that is just dandy to have someone else transport his children. i quote what the court says and their view. (the children did not ask for the divorce, it was the issues with the parents, their lives must exist as if the parents are together, financially, emotionally etc. which means the parents must not shove their responsibilities onto someone else, that the only thing that comes first in the courts eyes are the children.
since i missed work and had no time to cover absenses, i'm being docked pay: so i say to h, i'm gonna need some money since my check is only going to be 1/2 of what it usually is, he's like you all ready want me to give you money for a car now this, i say well what is the most important thing, the kids eat have a home etc. or you taking trips to vegas, going out drinking, paying for your parents life??? So that seems to be my comment of choice, is that putting the children first. are you saying your children are not worth it? are you saying your children are not worth this thing or the other.
i told him, since we do nto have a car i cannot take d to activites on the weekend, so i say ok pick us up drop us off pick us up, he''s like you won't be like the moms who go out drinking shove their kids on family members, you have morals, you won't have men be in your life etc etc. i say yeah i have a death senence of being lonely for the rest of my life and no hope ofhuman touch or contact because i put m y childrens security and lives first....
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
h comes picks up me and the kids, drops me at work, then picks me up with the kids, drops us off at home. there have been 1 or 2 times we've gotten something to eat, daughter so upset she i just took his truck with kids and said, my daughter is upset, we are doing this and other thing, you can take bus home or leave ur truck or join us. he joined us. he was attitudey but did it,.
he doesn't ask me anything about me, maybe i'm fishing, but with happy hr at work today, he had to do some juggling. i said i'm leaving work at 430 then going with some friends, told him where, he's like you want me to walk in there to give you keys to truck so you can pick up kids and go home, i'm like yep. he was like oh you're going out?? i give comment of going out with friends.
how am i to move on if we have this constant 2 times a day exposure? the first few weeks were so full of tension, it's less the past few days. now i'm suffering from no sex for months, close to year.
how do i get out of this zone so to speak and into non teensy weensy friend zone to more h/w zone?
it is impossible for me to move on, with the 2times daily interactions. detaching when we have to ride together to and from work, when d puts us together in family type activities.
i mean i did go to happy hour, it was okay. i got really upset, sad and teary, had to go outside for a minute. i just kept feeling, i don't want to be single, i want to go home to h and have loving relationship, be a family but here i am at this happy hour hearing about everyone else's relationships, seeing how much i remember the single life, how much i longed for family of h/w/kids and i've gotta do it again, 3rd marriage down tubes, 2 kids in the middle of mess....
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
i'm taking pleasure in him being so tired dealing with the realities of child care, work less sleep being exhausted, which i've lived since nov 09.
i want to have no contact no driving picking up dropping off, etc to get detachment and feel like the misbehaving child, well if i get any attention, good or bad it makes me happy...
how long do i have to sacrifice myself and happiness so he can watchkids while i work, having the constant interaction with out being able to move on...
i feel like i should just write it down, something to the effect of. i know i give you a difficult time about feeding cookies to d for breakfast, havng them clean and dressed and you are trying to learn how to parent them but my direction is only what is best for the kids. i appreciate you picking us up dropping us off to and from work, letting me borrow your truck so i can take kids places on weekends, but the constant time spent together driivng and 'family" activities, dinner, going to park is just a constant reminder of what the life i want and the life i don't have.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
i know not to read his mind or guess what he's going through: doesn't mean i still don't do it.
example, i believe he just wants to be able to pick up kids have peaceful interaction, be best friends, live his life with out us being h/w. i have not dealt with that very well and find it unacceptable. that is what he invisions as awesome.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
