I've been thinking about this all day today. I really need some more specifics on GAL and 180s so this "new me/new M" doesn't get stale fast. I think what I've been doing has obviously worked to some degree, otherwise H would be out the door right now. Yes, I realize it takes time and no action on my part is going to control H's behavior or counteraction. However, I'm obviously still not fulfilled with myself or I wouldn't be so frustrated. I need help! Plus, I know that even though I cannot control H, there are some things I should/could be doing to draw his attention back to me.
Here's the thing: part of my problem is that I am very amiable. That's a good thing, but at the same time, I am used to adapting myself to others: their likes, their interests, etc... I can see where I've done that my whole married life. Part of my having trouble with 180s or GAL is, I'm always doing 180s to suit the situation - and I don't even know my own interests anymore! Isn't that terrible?
SO: I went back to school - I've mentioned that. Next week I start my new semester - 3 classes plus a lab. I've lost some weight and started dressing better although, I still want to get in better shape and lose a few more lbs. I find that I'm getting looked at more, but not by H! :-(
Trying to get back to the woman H fell in love with. However, I honestly think he just fell in love with my looks and sorry, but I can't return to "smokin hot" 20 years later. (Yes, for my age, but I'll never get back to THAT.) Seriously, that's what he said in our marriage weekend when other men were describing why they fell in love with their wives. H said it was because I was "the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen... dark hair...blue eyes...tall....not just hot, but smokin hot!" Seems flattering? Not really. No woman wants to be loved on her looks alone...that's fleeting. Now I find it discouraging. If that was the only reason he wanted me, what am I supposed to do now???
I feel I've gotten good at the big things with DB. I need some help with the little, practical, day to day things. How do I get H back to those feelings of love? There's lots on these forums about what attract women to men. I need to know what to do to attract H back. HOW am I supposed to be more mysterious? What does that mean??? I HAVE to run kids around and do non-sexy stuff that H associates with "responsibility...boredom...." I just don't know. Any suggestions?? Obviously I don't mean sex - as if you read upthread - it isn't that H isn't interested in sex anymore, at least occasionally. But how do we go back from roommates to "I want to hold her hand...." ???
So yes: I have boundaries in place. I've gotten a life. I even go to study group some nights to study away from the house. H doesn't even seem to notice. I go to lunch with friends although, H doesn't really pay much attention to that either. So - what's next???
