A stiff martini if you know where "Shakedown Street" comes from without looking it up
It's been a while since I started a thread. I haven't posted much about my situation as for the most part it has been status quo although that will soon be changing.
On Nov. 19th of this year my H and I will have reached the one year mark of our legal separation. As per state law I will have the ability to proceed forward with the divorce on that date.
My H has been adamant about staying separated until 2013 but it's not something I care to do any longer. His desire to keep the separation in tact stems wholly on the health insurance issue.
D (my H = D, I hate calling him my "H") has been seriously and deeply involved with his mistress for three years now. As of last April they live together and the deal is sealed. D has taken on an enormous amount of financial responsibility to his mistress and the home they now share. He informed me they were moving in together over 11 text messages telling me that it was party out of convenience but mostly because he was happier than he has ever been.
I don't see (in person) or talk (on the phone) to D at all. A few weeks ago he did start e-mailing me and while I have tried to ignore most of it he has made the decision for me rather easy.
As per our Agreement we are required to give each other written notice of at least 60 days if we intend to file for the divorce after Nov. 19th. As a courtesy to D (mainly because he is always bitching about money) I let him know my intentions long before 60 days. His response was "I haven't thought about the divorce" and then he gave me a VERY graphic outline of what he planned to do with his mistress all weekend.
D is astonished that I am not "over this" and as per his messages furious I won't provide him with any security and I won't communicate with him.
The idea of having to deal with future litigation with D is causing me tremendous amounts of anxiety but really, I am done. I still have much healing to do but I know I don't deserve this.
Last Nov. he made a passionate plea to me that he didn't want this to be the end of us, it could not be our "grand finale" and he would do whatever he could to earn my trust and respect back. I never heard from him after that for 5 months and when I did hear from him it was to inform me he was moving in with OW and how great things were.
D and his attny threw an absolute hail mary with that charade and I fell for it. They used emotional warfare to kick me when I was already destroyed to avoid D's transgressions from being public record in a court of law.
Since last Nov. I have put in a tremendous effort that is really nothing short of remarkable to restore my physical and emotional health. I have worked longer hours than I ever have in my life to rebuild my finances. I have made new friends and really strengthened all the pre-existing R's in my life.
I do feel I need to make a major change soon aside from the divorce. I'm just not sure what that is but some grand form of exploration is in order.
I went on a few dates last year which have been well documented on this forum, lol! It was probably the wrong time for me as my issues were not yet addressed enough to not be terrified. Not along ago I met somebody lovely and kind but I seem to be having trouble navigating it all and my first instinct is to run. Perspective is a funny thing.
I do appreciate all of you and how much you share each day. Thank you hardly seems sufficient. It really has been an amazing education to be part of this.
