I bought 5LL today and plan on reading it. H is out of town so it's a good time for me to retool my efforts. I figure, any info or point of view I can see is good. I know there are points where too much is overwhelming and clouds plans of actions. However, the point I'm at, I am pretty good at discerning what will be useful. Besides, my ultimate goal is to become the best dang FT around, so - it's useful in that way as well!
Since H is no longer involved in the EA (that I know of, mind you) I think some bits of LL's would be fine. However, I still think it's not to be overdone because I am still trying to draw H to me and be mysterious, etc... While he is not currently planning on leaving, it's obvious to me he is still not "in love" with me either. I don't think killing him with kindness is going to draw him back. SO: LL's can be useful but will have to be used sparingly. (Once I understand all about them that is.)
I agree with Allen that you don't positively reward negative behavior, with kids or spouses. I can see where compliments or whatever could be seen as a reward. On the flipside, I can also see where a carefully sprinkled WOA might signify "I'm no longer so hurt over you that I can't be nice." After all, H still compliments me and yet I can see the difference - or rather, FEEL the difference - trust me. SO: it's a balance, and depends on how it's done. Having said that, it takes a pretty darn good DBing expert to do it right I would think, not to be attempted by a novice. CD is no novice though. He's in the advanced class! ME...I dunno. lol I'd like to think I'm advanced, but some days I wonder.
This reminds me of the "be friends/not be friends" argument. Some people swear you can be friends as long as you have the upper hand and others (me included) wouldn't dare be friends with someone who is choosing to abandon their responsibilities and families....
