Embarking on a New Adventure

[loweinsd51]

Just some random musings as today is an especially hard day -

Today is the twenty year anniversary of when I first kissed STBXWW. I TM'd her "Today is the 20 year anniversary of when I took the biggest risk in my life and kissed the woman of my dreams" STBXWW replied with a smile. I then replied with "Man was I nervous when I bent over and kissed you the first time" STBXWW replied with another smile. Then I replied "of course I was giddy when you didn't slap me and reciprocated...will always cherish the memories from that night" STBXWW replied "of course...me too"

I find it hard as heck to let go of the last 20 years I shared with my STBXWW. Some days I just want to go completely dark and other days I just want to see if she wants to come back. What is especially hard is we are working to get our house for sale and the daily contact with her is just emotionally draining. Lately, I've been turning on the flirty remarks...she hasn't really responded per se but her body language tells me she hasn't completely rejected them either. Who knows...

Interestingly, my neighbor gave me a copy of "The Love Dare" and said that he and his wife almost split up over a year ago. Then he said he has counseled many couples at his church and in talking to both of us, he said we're not through. I got very emotional and still do because that's first time an outsider has told me that.

I do sense that STBXWW has started and does respect me based on her actions over the last few weeks so that is a good sign. Not necessarily for reconciliation but for my future relationships. Sandi drilled into my head that in order for a woman to have love for you she must first respect you.

STBXWW also told me that she is sure it will hurt when she hears of me with another but she will still wish me the best.

STBXWW did tell me that I was both handsome and charming