CG, I'm so glad you checked in too. Thank you. I want to thank everyone for being there for me today. Actually got a little misty eyed from all of the support today. What a wonderful group of people here. I cannot thank all of you enough. You have no idea how much it means to me for all of your support. Wow, so many people helping me today. It's good to hear from everyone although I wish it was under better circumstances.
CG, one again I agree with everything you said. First, I do need to calm down and get my emotions in check before I do anything. As far as consequences I guess that's what I'm thinking she needs to see now. She needs to take some responsibility for helping. I have been doing so much to try ti sell this house. I even called the banks to negotiate them taking less on the mortgage so we can lower the price. I've led on this.
You're right about closure being more than just a few C sessions but it would still be a part of the process for me. Why doesn't she take these opportunities I've given for closure for herself too?
I like your quote about anger being a stepping stone but not a road block.
As far as what to do to help me. Well, you guys are already doing it. Just being there for me. Letting me just vent sometimes. Calming me down, being a voice of reason, giving advice and swinging a 2x4 when needed.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Start at The Horse You Came in On work over to Berthas and The Green Turtle and the Cat's Eye Pub. Used to be a old 70s style disco with the lighted floor, surrounded by old Greek men in white leisure suits.
The building on the water that they used as the police station in Homicide usually has a tug boat parked next to it, try to start it. We never had much luck.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well let's make it a party then! The more the merrier.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I guess what I would gently suggest you at least ponder is WHY you feel the need now to have your W feel consequences? IMO it's due to the dating profile. I mean really... your W had to be cajoled and coddled to VACUMN the house for a showing on a house she was desperate to be free from. You did not show her any strong consequences from the get go and I know you had your reasons but this sudden need to change pace *is* due to her dating and she will see that.
Your W had closure a long time ago. Like most WAS they spend months silently detaching before they even think about leaving. They detach in comfort (on their pace, usually in their own home and for a LONG time) and are very secure in their decision. The LBS is accepted to detach and accept on the WAS's command. Nobody likes being commanded so we hang on for dear life so we have control. Your W feels much different than you do. Honestly, your wife sounds like a big baby but her frustration that you have not detached is common. She is all set (like my H was) so the longer you take to get on board the deeper her frustration goes. You can't change that so you must do the work for you.
Coach, direct, to the point and spot on as always. You're right, I'm mind reading. Who knows what will happen. I just get this overwhelming sense that this won't work out for me. I'm so damn tired of feeling sorry for myself.
I could be so strong with detaching if I knew she wasn't dating. How do you get over the dating if you get back together? How do you not think about it?
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Coach, direct, to the point and spot on as always. You're right, I'm mind reading. Who knows what will happen. I just get this overwhelming sense that this won't work out for me. I'm so damn tired of feeling sorry for myself.
I could be so strong with detaching if I knew she wasn't dating. How do you get over the dating if you get back together? How do you not think about it?
You have to feel so good about yourself that you know that she is the one that is missing out and you feel sorry for her.
Gr8, that's not a bad idea. Like Coach said, there's plenty to do here. Let me check my schedule. Friday might be a possibility. It would be "great" to meet you. Thanks Gr8.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
How do you get over the dating if you get back together? How do you not think about it?
Spend time in the Infidelity forum.
Quote:
I could be so strong with detaching if I knew she wasn't dating.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Gr8, that's not a bad idea. Like Coach said, there's plenty to do here. Let me check my schedule. Friday might be a possibility. It would be "great" to meet you. Thanks Gr8.
Someone would probably pay you to take their Oriole tickets off their hands.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Gr8, that's not a bad idea. Like Coach said, there's plenty to do here. Let me check my schedule. Friday might be a possibility. It would be "great" to meet you. Thanks Gr8.
This friday I am going fishing with the boys, next weekend I'm going to take the kids to the Mountains.
I did enjoy the Harbor so I will make a point to get down there again soon.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Thanks Gr8.