Sometimes I wonder. She is so good at keeping her cards hidden.
I know what she and I share. I know the feelings between us are real. I also know she really wants to avoid facing what she did. Even if she is done with OM, and I do think that it's over, she doesn't want to have to think of it as something bad, and mark it in her memory as something to be ashamed of. If she ends up with someone other than me, OM could always be referred to as the guy she had an international "fling" with after her marriage failed, and not feel like she has to erradicate everything associated with him and his country from her life. She could keep the little gifts he gave her, she could keep the photos. It can be a protected and cherished memory, and her new guy won't know the difference. I think she underestimates how those things will have a taint on them, no matter whether she pushes me out of her life or not. They cannot be cleansed by sheer avoidance.
I know her though, and unfortunately, she might choose to keep trying for a long time.
You have to keep trying to. DO NOT PURSUE her at all anymore. You keep falling back to statements like this all the time:
Why don't I just go to her and say "You say you're worried I'll never get past what happened, yet you're keeping OM on your FB page. How am I supposed to let it go when you can't? Is keeping him on your FB page worth destroying our chances at reconciliation and us not going to Disney together as a family? Is this really what you want?"
You have to stop this kind of thinking completely. Let her go. Forget about it until she comes back to you. How many years do you want to drag this out?
Sorry if I am being an ass, but you have been through this so many times before. STOP!
I never contact her, unless for child related business, and I keep it to that. How much less can I do to NOT pursue her?
Yes, I'm frustrated by her behavior, and I need to let it go.
And I am sad that my kids are going to Disney World, and I won't be there to enjoy it with them. Particularly brutal is that W WANTS me to go, and even bought a plane ticket for me.
And I am sad that my kids are going to Disney World, and I won't be there to enjoy it with them. Particularly brutal is that W WANTS me to go, and even bought a plane ticket for me.
She wants you to go but she is not all in. You can handle it.
Where is your gig? I want to sit in on drums. My band, The Blue$ Broker$, of the last 10+ yrs has dissolved and I am itching to play live.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Where is your gig? I want to sit in on drums. My band, The Blue$ Broker$, of the last 10+ yrs has dissolved and I am itching to play live.
I had a band once. "Big Stan & His Sheboygan Blues Band." I don't play anything well enough to BE in a band, mind you (I mess around a little on keyboard), so that's all we had -- the name. We thought it was just a really cool name, so that if we ever DID have a band, we'd have that -- the name.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I had a band once. "Big Stan & His Sheboygan Blues Band." I don't play anything well enough to BE in a band, mind you (I mess around a little on keyboard), so that's all we had -- the name. We thought it was just a really cool name, so that if we ever DID have a band, we'd have that -- the name.
We were wierd.
LOL! As soon as I saw Sheboygan, I knew you had some connection to Wisconsin. Go Packers! We'll see how they do this year. I have no idea what to expect. Favre is back in Minnesota, so that drama continues.
Blue$ Broker$ - great name. I really should think about getting into a band. So much more social. This solo acoustic thing is lonely, and I don't need more of that. I know if I would get out and play more, opportunities to meet women would be plentiful.
Ok, so here's where I always get stuck. W is leaving for Disney on Friday. I'm not going. She seems to have accepted that and is making the best of it. I never mention it. I don't want to be an a$$ about it. Should I offer her anything? Help? Money? Good wishes, at least.
I am actually FROM Sheboygan!!! Was a pretty great place to grow up for me. What is it with WI towns and band names? How about John Candy's Kenosha Kicker's in Home Alone? Very nice.
Maybe I am all wet here, and I didn't mean to offend you future, but there seems to me to be a constant repeat pattern here. You have been here for so long, yet you keep taking about going to her with one last try. That is pursuing. Reread the advice others have given you. Someone said "If you continue to do this you will be here for ANOTHER year." Maybe it was Robx, I don't remember. The point is that YOU have to stop trying.
I'll tell you what Coach told me...do not offer her help or money. Stop trying to fix things unless she asks for help.
Do wish her and the kids well, then step back and wave goodbye. You have to wait for her to come to you.
