Why is one of those questions that doesn't have an answer.
It is true that he gets to make his decisions for himself, just as you do. You wouldn't want him there if he doesn't want to be there, right?
The trick is that in the state he is in, nothing you can do is going to change his mind, at least not directly. You can't say anything to him, tell him anything, that will change his course. What you can do is change what he sees when he sees you. It won't happen overnight, but hopefully over time he will see things he likes, things that make him question himself. It's a challenge, because his pride is going to stand in the way. But it is really the only thing that has a chance of working.
As far as the kids go, they really will follow your lead. I completely believe that. If you treat the situation like it is the end of the world, they absolutely will follow suit. (And at their age, I think they will follow Mom's lead more than Dad's.) My kids took things really well, but I think it was because their parents kept things on an even keel. It's not easy, but it is important.
You can do it, Dagny. And I truly believe that if you take care of yourself, and your kids, the result will be ok, whatever it is. We can do better than survive.
