Punkin...I will tell you that many judges are sympathetic to the wife...especially if there are children at home or the marriage was long-term and not her wanting...
So the house maybe more your decision then his...and at least if you get it, re-fi, then YOU can sell it if you want to!
Don't let the date work you into the ground...you have time...just relax...work on you...be strong...and you will know if/when the time is right to approach H with a more clear proposal about the future...remember, I waited until 3 days before the D would have been finalized!
imLin is correct...most judges will favor the wife. Either way, I would not worry about it. I know...I know...it is hard (FTR - I may be thrown to the wolves) but what is worrying about it going to do. Nothing - except get you in a tizzy.
IMO - your L should be giving you some guidance here. If you don't want the house then sell the fuc*er - A house is not a home (luther vandross)...it is only 4 walls dear. A home is where you raise you kids...is where you spend time with your grandkids..it is where YOU feel safe....where you are happy.
If I were you..I would start creating a budget for myself...It will make you realize how much is in YOUR control.
You sound scared Pun...don't be..you sound defeated....don't be.
Who defines Pun...who is Pun...
I keep telling you this shi* is not over until YOU say it is...act that way girl..
Your better than this...your stronger than this!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Had another bad night of dreams. No one needs to help me interpret this one. All night long I was chasing my H asking him to help me, and just when I thought he would, he'd take off running again. We were just in a bunch of different places. The house I grew up in, with our long dead neighber sitting in her yard in a recliner. The Army base where H flew in when he came home from Iraq, etc. and so on.
I'm not defeated, just so very sad it has come to this.
I know my attitude will improve over the next few days. Depressed is not a natural state for me to be in.
Eric, I'm the original Budget Babe. I've been the supreme handler of money since forever. I can pinch a penny until it screams.
imLin, thank you for your words of comfort. I know this date should not be throwing me for the loop that it is. Seems somehow prophetic that it would be 20 years and one day from the day we were married.
I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other for as long as it takes. Although I enjoy my job, I've had trouble getting out of bed the last couple of days, but that, I think is in part to the lousy sleep I've been having.
Eric, I'm the original Budget Babe. I've been the supreme handler of money since forever. I can pinch a penny until it screams.
Can I email you my finance...In my case you may have to pinch dirt just to get the penny LOL.
Smile honey....your alive...
Re: the sleep thing...For the first few months I would wake up everyday at 3am. It was horrible. I ended up asking my doctor for some meds that helped.
As for the sadness...I have to tell you I feel the same way. It is IMO the normal grieving process. Sad though does not mean over. Sad though does not mean defeated. Sad though does not mean that your future cannot be happy and filled with love.
BTW...do you have a dog?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Like Eric, I've also had many bad nights waking up at 3am. And this is interesting....when my H had his 1st affair many years ago, I had horrible nightmares of him leaving me for the OW and the OW was in every single one of them...tormenting me....these went on for a number of years even after our reconciliation. This time around I have fairly pleasant dreams about H coming back to me....go figure....don't know what that means.
Like you I get really sad sometimes....
I know that you are lonely, I know that you miss your old life. I have all those feelings in my life as well....but we have to go on....work through this, our pain and our fears....it will make us stronger....we can't live our life through another person or for another person....you have to live it for you.
Nothing would make me happier then to have my old life back....true....but I can't....does that mean that my life has no meaning anymore? NO it doesn't....it will be just different....
I will not let him ruin me, I will rebuild....Eventually I'll be happy....with him....alone or with someone else....and if he ever comes back it will be my decision if I still want him back
We can't let them destroy us....we would be giving them too much power over us....
Hang in there (((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I remember one really really bad week for me...in one day this is what happened! I accidentally ran a red light, with the red light camera, on my way to the court house to file my seperation paperwork...then on my way to H's office to give him a copy I rear-ended a car in front of me that came to a quick stop...hardly hurt their car but really munched the front end of mine...needless to say by the time I got to H's office I was an babbling blubbering idiot...and begging for my life back...I just wanted to "feel" normal...so out of that day I got a ticket that cost me several hundred bucks I didn't have, had to do traffic school and pay for that, had to pay for the damage on the other car because I didn't want it on my record as I was in training to be a bus driver, and just drove my wrecked car until it died!...what a DAY...and that was only one in seven that week!
So, there will be days like that but you just gotta dust yourself off and get up and go...even if it takes all ya got!
Hey guys. Just checking in at Lunch Time. I'm feeling a bit better. Believe me, no one has any idea I get this way but you guys and my daughters. I'm also one hell of an actress when I have to be.
I appreciate all the supportive words. I think I am starting to think my way around the fact that this divorce may happen no matter what I do or how much I still love my H.
Eric, I did have a dog, but she recently died. I do have a cat Roxie, who is particularly fussy.
I know worrying is like a rocking chair. It gets you no where, but gives you something to do. The sadness is almost worse than the grieving in one sense. It's a hurt you can't quite put your finger on to make stop.
Everyone seems to be in such a funk these days. I still think its a planetary alignment/moon type of thing. Mind you, I know nothing about such things, just a hunch.
Keep walking, keep standing, and no expectations! My battle cry.
The sadness is almost worse than the grieving in one sense. It's a hurt you can't quite put your finger on to make stop.
Man do I feel ya...I think we both just need to feel the sadness - feel it and allow it to make us think...think about US think about what WE want. Just a thought...but hell what do I know.
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I still think its a planetary alignment/moon type of thing.
Or not enough alcohol - just kidding...or am I?
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Keep walking, keep standing, and no expectations! My battle cry.
Scream it P....scream it...throw a little alanis morissette on the radio....
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I'm also one hell of an actress when I have to be.
Okay...just to take our mind off of all of this shiznit...who is your favorite actress? Hmmm....maybe that is a new thread I can start.
Smile Punkin...smile...
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
