I'm still going through your thread but on this last post you made, shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line:
"Wife I'm sure you are more than capable of checking up on the stuff at the house that you keep asking me about and I would appreciate that you do that. If it's really important by all means, involve me, but if it's smaller trivial stuff, I trust you can make the decision on your own without involving me on every little thing."
As far as the facebook highschool stuff, same thing: "Wife I would appreciate it if you would NOT comment about me on facebook, I think it's childish and disrespectful to talk about me to your crackbook friends and commenting that our son is impatient just like me. It's not necessary to talk about our son or myself on crackbook, please and thank you. Our separation and eventual divorce is what it is, let's keep this as mature as possible, it's whats best for the kids and us in the end."
It's not that hard, you just have to say the words, push them out of your mouth and direct them toward her without getting argumentative and confrontational, just be confident and firm when you say these things, and don't text or email her or leave a voicemail, the next time you see her in person, bring it up, like this: "Hey I've been meaning to talk to you about a few things...."
Take care of business instead of complaining quietly in a remote location. That's how you take back control otherwise you will always be complaining about how it eats at you.
When you start communicating confidently and effectively and letting her know that she's crossing boundaries she shouldn't be, that's when she will stop telling you what you are doing is wrong or right.
