I have decided to just give up on this situation and not even consider my M in any actions I take from now on in. I feel like i have been swimming upstream for the last 4 months and never once got any indication that this M was salvageable.
It is a very sad day for me but I need to accept that my W no longer wants to be here and what benefit is there for anyone in her staying if that is her mindset.
I will never really understand what happened but it is what it is and all the "hoping" on my side is not going to change anything.
Thank you Puppy, Soleil, Coach for all your very wise advice. I just need to take care of my S and myself and rebuild.
yesterday she told me marriage means nothing to her and they were just words. Just wish she told me that before she said them.
Probably wont post here again but good luck to everyone on turning things around. It is an honorable thing
I understand. Just be prepared for -- once you really do this -- your wife may THEN come back to you.
And you may not want her anymore.
You need to think about how you might want to respond if and when she does that, because TRULY LETTING THEM GO is the single most-effective technique I've ever seen here (and I've been here like forever, lol).
I know you're sincere (I can hear it in your post), and this is not some "technique" for you, Khudoo.
Hi All, I did not intend on posting here again (at least not this soon ) but just wanted to post a word of caution to people in a similiar sitch to mine.
When this all happened I had strong suspicions about my W being involved with an OM and had pretty much established who it was. there was lots of circumstantial evidence but nothing concrete.She said they were just friends. On numerous occasions I considered busting the A by either contacting his W or bringing it to their work but in the end did neither and decided that the best course of action was just to let her go which is where I am at right now.
Well I have just had it confirmed and proven that she is having an A BUT not with this guy and in fact he IS just a friend. The OM is someone I met once and knew about but never suspected and there was no trail left.
No wonder it was so easy for her to say she would break off contact with the first guy. As it turns out he was an innocent party in all this.
I am so glad i never made any trouble for the original suspect as i may have damaged his M and put his W and kids through some unnecessary trauma.
So BE SURE before you try and bust an A. I thought I was but I was wrong.
Sorry to hear that your suspicions were confirmed.
Does she know that you know? Will you be telling her? When was the last contact you had with her?
Sending you a great big hug.
Hi Soleil, We still live in the same house but it's up for sale and cant sell quick enough for me. But regarding contact there is not much these days and no talk of anything except either separation logistics.
She knows I don't really care anymore and in fact this did not hit me as bad as I thought it would due to the fact that I realize the M is dead.
She does not know that I know and I have no interest in telling her as it will just start another argument that I have no interest in pursuing. There is no benefit to anyone at this stage.
Khudoo, how'd you miss it? You were EXTREMELY thorough in your intel, I thought. One of the best/bravest I've seen around here, in trying to verify.
How'd she hide this one?
????
I dont know how she hid it, but I prob missed it because I was so certain that it was the first guy. But I thought something else would have shown up. Also I think it happened just after she dropped the bomb and thats why things accelerated so quickly. That was the bit that confused me. We had a good life and there was no huge reason i could see for the M breaking up. I think she used to flirt with this guy and the sep was just her way of legitimizing it
She is 40 and he is in mid 20's so I doubt its going to last too long but whatever. She was also having a bit of a MLC talking about plastic surgery, buying a sportscar etc so this fits right in.
All her friends are baffled and very supportive to both me and our M. One of them told me last night what was going on. She was pretty disgusted and advised me to protect myself in any dealings with her. She also said that when W mentioned it when they were out on a girls night that the whole atmosphere changed. None of them approve and were quite vocal about it. Thats prob were some of the latest anger was coming from.
It was also nice for me when her friend mentioned that W was pi$$ed off that I seemed to be doing fine without her and having a good summer. I thought if she had a new guy she would be happy i was doing ok but I guess not.
Oh well, she can have her new life and I have a feeling it will end with a sharp drop
So we have been living in the same house but living completely separate lives for about 3 months. She has barely spoken to me for 2 months and just seems to be a very angry person. I continued with normal politeness of saying "good morning", good night etc. Sometimes she would grunt something back sometimes not.
She was talking about selling the house and blaming me for holding it up (ie organizing it ) but did not push the issue so I got fed up last week and called a real-estate agent. I then emailed her with a list of dates we could meet with him to discuss. No response.
I then followed up with a second email and made an apt and said I was just informing her as she needs to be a part of the process. Again no response.
She finally spoke to me last night and said she was going to move out in the next month so we don't necessarily have to rush to sell the house. She will rent a smaller house and we can equally share the mortgage and rent and that will take the pressure off the house sale. This really surprised me as this will be much more difficult on her than me financially. It was actually a pleasant conversation.
I just responded it was for the best and when we are here we should discuss a separation agreement and start the process going. She then started to get a bit angry and said "did I not trust her". Just responded that it will protect BOTH of us and needs to be done. She then agreed.
This was all so strange in that this was the first time I have seen any hesitation in her and the discussion was regarding her moving out. She is still going and that was the whole conversation but something was odd about her body language.
She then left the house and wished me a good evening as I was going out too.
