Thank you SA....I'm working on protecting myself. Trying to renegotiate my mortgage...to reduce payments and to consolidate all our debts so I can somehow separate our finances and take myself off of his credit cards.
My friend and her D is living with me now...she is paying me sizable sum of money every month for rent...utilities etc. She will be staying until end of November....I was hoping to put that money away...to have a cushion.
Last week I received a cell phone bill for $1,000. I almost flipped. Big chunk of it for international roaming charges when he was in Europe with OW....and it wasn't for business. When I emailed him about it he was very surprised and apologetic and "didn't know how that was possible".....
He is back in town, just received an email asking to take D to her lesson this afternoon. On one hand I'm glad that he wants to see her, on the other hand shouldn't he be bloody working this afternoon after taking 2 weeks off?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Last week I received a cell phone bill for $1,000. I almost flipped. Big chunk of it for international roaming charges when he was in Europe with OW....and it wasn't for business. When I emailed him about it he was very surprised and apologetic and "didn't know how that was possible".....
Did your H really think that service was free??? To your H I would like to say, "Guess what spaced out alien, that kind of service cost money."
Do you have a phone contract together? wow! I hope not!
Mila, I hope things work out for your business. My Business struggled the years my H was away. Now i am trying to get back on my feet. Dont know how i keep the business open for so long. Luckily my H wasnt involved in my business at all. His name was only on the loan that finally got paid off last year!
Praying for you to make the best decision for you!
Take Care!!
Last edited by kissak; 08/25/1006:55 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
SA - Your "Guess what spaced out alien" really made me laugh....so cute in kind of sad way.....I wish that I can call him that to his face. Yeah...sad...he has no grip on reality.
Kissak - the cell phone bill is in company name and with my name on it as well since I was the one who set it up.
Grace - yeah I only "almost flipped out" I guess I'm starting to be at a point that nothing totally "flips me out".
My friend & I and our D's are going away for the weekend. H has been emailing me asking when we are back that he would like to spend time with D (Every time he comes back from being with OW he is eager to see D) Anyway these emails will give you an idea what I'm dealing with....like his brain doesn't function.....or am I being so confusing in my e-mails?
H - "Are you back from ****** Saturday or Sunday? I am trying to plan time with D
Me - "We are back on Saturday but already have plans with D for Sunday afternoon"
H - "Regarding Sunday, you have plans for the whole day...?"
Me - "As I said...in the afternoon....not quite sure exactly what time we will be back...probably by dinner time"
H - "It looks like we are talking about two things... Me about Sunday and you about Saturday... You said you are with D on Sunday afternoon... So there isn’t any time Sunday afternoon for me to have with her?"
Me - "I’m sorry if you are misunderstanding. As I wrote in my previous e-mail. We are coming back from ***** Saturday afternoon. But I also said that I already have plans with D for Sunday afternoon (from 1pm to probably dinner time...5 or 6 pm?)"
Do you see what I see? It seems to me that he really wanted to have time with D Sunday afternoon and just doesn't want to understand that I'd already made plans with her and he can't have that time...btw I'm taking D to visit his dad...but he doesn't know that....I guess D will tell him, because I'm sure that he will inquire what's so important about Sunday afternoon that he can't have his way...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
What you describe with your H is exactly what I remember from depressed periods in my own life--it's impossible to keep hold of the thread of an exchange, because of so much background noise in one's head and inability to concentrate properly. Add that depression to the self-centred thinking of a teenager, and you get ... someone you really don't want to deal with!
Your H sounds as though he has a way to go in Replay still. Would it be possible to set up a new cell plan for business? Then you could reimburse only as many of his charges as were business-related? I hope you find clarity soon about how you want to proceed with the business, since you have a difficult decision to make there. But remember, he is NOT the same person with whom you set up the business at the moment, and likely won't be for some time.
I have been following along on your thread. (Thanks very much for stopping by my thread today. It cheered me up.) I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I think that I speak for everyone here when I say that this isn't fair to you.
Your business situation sounds like a nightmare, but you are navigating your way through this with grace and intelligence. Your friend sounds like a Godsend (I mean that literally),..........so if God knew what you were going to need at this time in your life, trust in him to provide for you over the next several months.
Mila, I haven't seen anyone here ask you this yet, and maybe I missed this earlier, but have you consulted an attorney to get information about what kind of legal agreements could be drawn up to protect you and your daughter in this situation? In my part of the country a consultation costs around $250-$400.............probably more in California, but this info will help you plan........and at least in my situation, our legal documents actually protected us from angry interactions. I truly believe that our pre-nup and my Herculean effort to be civil (H/XH also worked at civility) kept our situation from spiraling downward................By way of example, I have a co-worker (woman our age) who wanted a D because H has major anger issues. Their D was final within 2 1/2 months (no kids) but it was drawn up by a paralegal and they still hadn't sold their home. 8 months later, her XH is still living in their home (has a GF staying over), my friend is paying half of their mortgage but has been living with relatives this whole time, and they haven't yet had one showing by a real estate agent. She is now spending a lot of money on an attorney and court time to protect her investment (home). ..................Having appropriate legal documents early in the process will protect you now and in the future, may keep this situation from spiraling downward therefore leaving open the possibility of reconciliation in the future,...and may even jar H into reality a bit.
Cyrena - I thought that my H was depressed....it was so obvious....now I don't know....I can't tell....he still has this haunted look sometimes, but other times he puts on this happy face....but it almost looks forced....who knows what's going on inside.
punkin - mine does that as well....denies saying things he said and forgetting conversations.
GAG - this whole situation would be so much less stressful if it wasn't for the business issue. If I was independent of him I would be so much further on my journey.....You are right that God is sending me the people that I need just when I need them. I've met or welcomed back into my life many people that teach me how to look at life differently, helping me or opening new doors to my future....it's actually pretty incredible.
About the lawyer issue....yes people have brought it up...but I wasn't ready....I've been thinking about it more and more lately.....as you know it takes time to process all of this and get mentally ready for the next step. I feel for your co-worker....what a nightmare....
Well tomorrow morning I'm going to a potential client meeting with H. Usually I don't go to these but he asked me number of times saying that he would like me to go with him....so I said OK. My friend thinks that I'm crazy, that she couldn't do it.....go to a sales meeting with a cheating H that just came back from 2 weeks with OW and to be all happy and hyped up and to pretend that we are a great team....she has a point....I'm probably crazy....it's going to be very difficult for me....on the top of it I have to be with him in the car for 45 min each way. I have a hard time even looking at him....have to work on that and put on a happy face....fake it until you make it....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I thought that my H was depressed....it was so obvious....now I don't know....I can't tell....he still has this haunted look sometimes, but other times he puts on this happy face....but it almost looks forced....who knows what's going on inside.
Mila - He is depressed, that is the mask that he is wearing that he is happy. Sometimes you see it start to crack. You have described it very accurately in your posts. But somehow he is able to get that mask back on. Either from the OW drug, or sure will, but he is crumbling I can assure you that.
