I'm now healing and moving forward

[MHL]

Eric,
All I can do is tell you what I think "In My Humble Opinion" and we all know that "opinions" are like "a$$holes" meaning "everyone has one".

Okay, another cathardic post my friend, a long one too!! While you did some digging, I had to dig into your post, and I have read it multiple times and my response is not just based on what you post here. So here it is, remember just my opinion.

I am afraid of success. I am afraid that maybe just maybe…I have accomplished much in my life. How does that feel Eric? I don’t know. In one way I feel good, in another way I feel scared. Can I put my life back together after all of this? Can I make it on my own? I know I can yet I still am afraid. Once again..I have already faced this fear. I am a success. A success defined by ME and no one else. A success from a professional perspective. A success from a personal perspective. Truly a success. Once again – I am giving her credit for something that I have done. For the work that I have done. Why??

I think your afraid of being HAPPY......pretty effing simple.

And that thing you talk about... "Guilt" the thing you need to let go of......it is getting in the way of you moving forward and ultimately being HAPPY.

Your guilt is a nice warm blanket and you are wrapped up in it, you know it, it is familiar.

All the things you said up there in the quote, sh!t, those are all things to be HAPPY about, awesome accomplishments, you know where you came from and the obstacles you overcame, let yourself be HAPPY.

I get the abandonment thing, but IMO that is not what is holding you back from being HAPPY, and by the way your wife's choices aren't getting in your way either. You have verbalized that, I know you don't want your kids to suffer, to have to change schools, change friends, change this or that, split time betweem Mom and Dad and all the other crap that comes with Divorce. But if you let your GUILT over that happening to them (especially your daughter) get in the way of Eric being HAPPY then you will not be the best Dad you can be.

Moms and Dads are better Moms and Dads when they are HAPPY.

You choosing a life where you can be a SUCCESSFUL MAN and be HAPPY is not made at the expense of your children but instead a choice made FOR your children.

You getting out of that living environment that you have been in for the last 11 months is going to be the very best thing for you. We have talked about this, your head will clear, the leaves will blow away and you will see your path.

Children are extremely aware of our moods, if you are tense they will know, if you are sad they will know, if you are HAPPY they will know. And let me say this.....their happiness is not wrapped up in what we can buy them, where we take them or even where they live. It comes from knowing and feeling loved by Mom and Dad. You know this and you are a SPECTACULAR DAD, however you could be better.....if you let yourself be HAPPY.

There is uncertainty ahead for you that is for sure but you are a SUCCESSFUL MAN, look at where you are today and what you have overcome to get there. Why the hell would you think that you could not overcome this challenge.

We talk about what we are at the core, up to this point you have talked about the "Proud Rican from NY" and that you are the "MAN", and have painted that as a character flaw. Sure, some of that could get in the way of an intimate R with a woman, but you learned that, owned it, and you are past that. But maybe some of that "Bravado" needs to be put to use in facing the challenges ahead, I don't know....that is up to you.

Could be the pursuit of that goal is where your happiness lies???? You may never reach the goal, however striving to get there will give a sense of purpose in life.

Don't be afraid to be HAPPY, and you sure as hell don't need anyone's permission.

Cheers