Yes Mish, I make sure I turn the TV off (learned something from my M!), put my arms around her and wipe her tears. I share with her about my experiences with being lonely now and as a teenager. I tell her what an amazing kid she is and how proud I am of her. I suggested that she find a club that interests her, I suggested she try our teen Friday nights at my church (no go!) but mostly I just listen. That she can approach her Dad and share her innermost thoughts and fears is pretty awesome. Again, it's so hard to talk about being separated as a family especially when it's not what you wanted nor should it be necessary. I still don't bad mouth her mom or lay blame on her. I told D that we arent' the family we used to be but we do our best with what we have and I think we do a lot more things together than most families in our situation. D agreed. But, that said, it's sad. D also said "Daddy, I don't want you to be alone" and I said "Hey, I'm a big boy and it's up to me to take care of my lonliness, just like you have to do thinkgs to take care of yours, you aren't responsible for looking after Dad...or Mom , for that matter." I told her what I do to fend off lonliness mainly as a means of getting her to think through what she could do. We also talked about how others might look all together etc but underneath everybody has their issues. Anyway, we had a good talk and afterwards she hugged me and said "I feel better now...but I'm still not going to your church!"
Yes Mish, I make sure I turn the TV off (learned something from my M!), put my arms around her and wipe her tears. I share with her about my experiences with being lonely now and as a teenager. I tell her what an amazing kid she is and how proud I am of her. I suggested that she find a club that interests her, I suggested she try our teen Friday nights at my church (no go!) but mostly I just listen. That she can approach her Dad and share her innermost thoughts and fears is pretty awesome. Again, it's so hard to talk about being separated as a family especially when it's not what you wanted nor should it be necessary. I still don't bad mouth her mom or lay blame on her. I told D that we arent' the family we used to be but we do our best with what we have and I think we do a lot more things together than most families in our situation. D agreed. But, that said, it's sad. D also said "Daddy, I don't want you to be alone" and I said "Hey, I'm a big boy and it's up to me to take care of my lonliness, just like you have to do thinkgs to take care of yours, you aren't responsible for looking after Dad...or Mom , for that matter." I told her what I do to fend off lonliness mainly as a means of getting her to think through what she could do. We also talked about how others might look all together etc but underneath everybody has their issues. Anyway, we had a good talk and afterwards she hugged me and said "I feel better now...but I'm still not going to your church!"
You are a great dad.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
wii, that's some great stuff right there! My hat's off to you for being such a thoughtful and caring dad for your kids.
Don't the girls play together? they're not that far apart must be the age group difference if they don't?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Don't the girls play together? they're not that far apart must be the age group difference if they don't?
I actually talked to daughter about the R between her and her sister. Even though there is a three year difference they get along great and really love each other. But, D13 is a different animal, she's very outgoing can walk into a room and take it over. I remember once a teacher saying at P-T interviews "D13 could run this classroom without me" and I replied "and I'm sure she'd love to!" D16 is more introverted, she's a great kid and fun to be with when you know her but she's different than her sister. But, they really do look after each other and care,which is so great to see and I told D so.
D16 came to me tonight in the middle of my meditation, "Daddy, can I talk to you?" Well, she wanted to break up with her boyfriend and we talked and she cried and we talked etc. She told me her boyfriend was angry because she told him talking with me the other night made her feel better. Apparently, he was jealous of Dad because his advice didn't make her feel better. I said to her "you have to remember that I do this for a living, your bf doesn't" Here was his advice to D16 about feeling lonely "live with it or get over it" Whew, what's not to love there! Finally, D decided not to break up with him but to discuss with him what she wanted to see more of and less of. We discussed setting boundaries and I talked to her about the dangers of controlling men, that she needs to look at what makes her feel good and what makes her feel like she's walking on eggshells all the time. So, tomorrow she's going to talk to him in person about their R. I told her if she gets scared about anything to call me as I will leave my cell phone on all day. It never ends, does it!
Gardener, I'm a mental health counsellor. I work with individuals with serious psychiatric disorders usually schizophrenia, depression etc. Much of the population I work with are duo diagnosed with a mental illness and develpmental disorder. Most of these individuals have been out of the workforce for many years and many have never worked. The program I work with provides vocational assessments, goal setting, developing work skills and counselling around getting back into the workforce even part time. When people have been ill for a long time or living on the streets even basic work skills like arriving on time are difficult. Anyway, that's what I do. So, I talk to people about loss and disappointment etc all the time. Btw, my Naturopath phoned and left me a voice mail telling me my last test showed my Adrenal Fatigue is back to where it was six months ago. It's like starting all over again. Very disappointing!
Well it doesn't seem to ever end but you've done such a good job with the girls that it's astounding how much they trust you. Normally this sort of stuff (for girls) is typicall something the moms will handle! That's something to be proud of.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Thanks Romeo, I know I have a great R with my girls, it's a blessing indeed!
I read this yesterday and thought I'd share it:
Count Your Blessings
..."if you own one bible you are abundantly blessed, because a third of the people in the world today do not have access to a Bible. If you can read your Bible, you're more blessed than the two billion plus people who cannot read anything at all, If you awoke this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than one million people who will not survive the week, If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are more fortunate than 500 million people. If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, twenty dollars in your pocket, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of the world." Count your blessings!
Nothing wrong with being a Daddy's girl!!