I think I'd agree with TimeHeals that we all have negative traits, based on our upbringings, and that these can be triggered by current events. If we lack self-awareness, we assume that someone in our present lives is "making" us feel that old familiar feeling. Once we gain that self-awareness, we recognize that our former experience (say, of feeling abandonment) is meshing with our present feelings, and are able to separate the two, which diminishes the strength of the feeling. It's all a part of growing up, learning about ourselves, taking responsibility for our emotions, and becoming able to communicate within a couple.
So, your H may have those feelings of abandonment and entitlement that you describe. However, that's not your issue--it's his to learn to acknowledge and move past. You will never be able to change negative thinking patterns that aren't working for him, obviously.
You say your C identified these negative traits ... has your H had counselling? Did it help him at all? You say you've read Passionate Marriage. That's great, because it means you have an understanding of what is required to make a healthy marriage. Do you feel your H is capable of making changes? You describe having done various 180s, and being the one who tried to manage the SSM problem. Do you believe he's capable of being the supportive partner that you need? If not, do the times he's fine compensate for the other times?
I'm sorry there are problems with the pregnancy. That must be extremely stressful, on top of everything else. Please take good care of yourself today.
