Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Sigh...Coach, I guess deep down I'm afraid to let go because I want her back soooo bad. When we were together we were awesome together. I'm afraid to let go because I can't imagine life without her. It hurts like hell today to think about her with someone else. As I type this it;s the first time I've gotten emotional since I found out last night.

We had a really tough time the last 2-3 years of our M dealing with some very vindictive people which forced me to close my company. I cannot ever convey what it put my W and I through. Had I known what it would do to our M I would have never even started that damn company.

I know my W (at least I think I know her), I know she has a lot of hurt. Maybe she's gotten past it but then why can;t she meet me for her closure talk? Even if she thinks I can't handle it then why would she even care?

She still hasn't even emailed or called me today to discuss the house issues that need a decision made asap. I don't see a confident woman who knows what she wants and has it all figured out. I see a woman who is running away from reality just like she did during the last 2-3 years. My IC says it was a major life crisis we went through. We should have gone to C during that time just to help us get through it.

So do I become attractive to her by agreeing with her? Many months ago she said she wants to be challenged. What the hell does that mean. I thought I knew but I guess I was wrong. How do I become attractive to her now to get her to look my way again?

I am ecstatic that she lost the weight and improved herself. That's what I did every day for her was to build her self esteem, tell her she can do anyting, go to the gym with her to support her weight loss. I did so much for her. My only problem was falling into the rut after my company closed. Should this M end because of that? Yes, I know we endured a lot during that time but that's behind us. I cannot understand how she cannot or in unwilling to move past that.

Coach, I want to wow her. I want to knock her socks off. I've been doing everything I thought I could to show her that I am past the anger now. I'm finally able to put those years behind me. That's not important to me anymore. The only thing that's important to me is her.

I have been holding on to hope that a part of the old W was still there. That, in time, she might let go of her anger/resentment, and whatever else she holds towards me and at least tries instead of continuing to run away.