Hey, Sunny. Thought I'd pop over here and see where you are in your sitch.
I agree that seeing outbursts is better than burying/internalizing into resentment. That's a common reaction that is likley eveident in most sitches and leads to where we all are now.
I know I'm guilty of it, too.
I read it somewhere that, though it was expressed regarding women, "When she STOPS talking about the R, though you you might think tht's better, it's actually worse"
I know I'm gonna need to stay aware of this view, too. I'm very glad I had a look cause I would have seen negative talk about us (if we ever get to that) as a negative. But I'll have to see it as a positive- cause it will be an improvement over saying nothing.
I noticed THIS VVVVVVVV a page back
Originally Posted By: SunnyD
Part of me says to stop trying to make H the affectionate/loving husband he once was: that any attempt to try and get him to love me again is just going to backfire. That what I need to do is to quit trying altogether and keep finding ways to GAL for myself and perhaps that will be the only thing that might work.
I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of trying and getting my hopes up only to have them dashed or what.
Well, It's pretty common to feel like that. And the answer is in your questions. You MUST GAL as the motive itself. I view it as "You cannot "directly" control another person. However, you can "influence" their behaviour by example and setting the feel of the interaction.
This brings me to the 5LL's. Wonka went through the letter from W regarding the ILYBINILWY. He correctly identified her two primaries. Physical touch (can't do that) and Words of Affirmation. He suggested I occasionally sprinkle some into texts/convos'. Lo and behold, along with a strong stance; boundaries, and as much detachment as I've created, her tone is changing. It may have been coincidental with her own issues (A going sideways?, etc) but it is 'working'
I recommend having a look at 5LL's and 'gently' trying to utilize his LL's. It will also be good for you to be aware of yours for the future.
Allen's views that you have a right to ask the "business side of the M" questions is, as usual, correct. If money is going somewhere, it's not about the drinking or with who, it's the 'familiy funds', so you have that right to ask and know. It's information you need and an opportunity to show a stance and involvement. If you used to ignore these details, it's a '180', too? Again, leading by example.
If you can show him a glimpse of how the "new" M will be different, it might trigger something.
