A strong, confident man would be happy someone else improved themselves. Your W has lost weight, improved her health and is improving her self-esteem and self-confidence. But instead you are jealous and angry because you are stuck.
Your W would never tell you that she is moving on. She knows you can't handle it. She's tired of that. It's unattractive and boring.
How long has she been telling you she wants out? She wants the house sold and the ties to be severed. What is it you are holding on to so dearly? Why are you afraid of letting her go?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Quote: If I show her I'm gone it just makes her feel even better about dating.
How would you know that? You haven't even let go.
I was thinking the same thing.
mza8, I know your stance on dating OW. Just b/c you go out and get coffee with someone doesn't mean you gave up on M. I have gone out with a few W and it is nice to just go out and talk.
You say you'll do anything to save M, sometime introducing an OW in the picture ixes things up. Just a thought.
I'm not sure if my W knows about me and OW and I don't care. I do it to meet people.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Sigh...Coach, I guess deep down I'm afraid to let go because I want her back soooo bad. When we were together we were awesome together. I'm afraid to let go because I can't imagine life without her. It hurts like hell today to think about her with someone else. As I type this it;s the first time I've gotten emotional since I found out last night.
We had a really tough time the last 2-3 years of our M dealing with some very vindictive people which forced me to close my company. I cannot ever convey what it put my W and I through. Had I known what it would do to our M I would have never even started that damn company.
I know my W (at least I think I know her), I know she has a lot of hurt. Maybe she's gotten past it but then why can;t she meet me for her closure talk? Even if she thinks I can't handle it then why would she even care?
She still hasn't even emailed or called me today to discuss the house issues that need a decision made asap. I don't see a confident woman who knows what she wants and has it all figured out. I see a woman who is running away from reality just like she did during the last 2-3 years. My IC says it was a major life crisis we went through. We should have gone to C during that time just to help us get through it.
So do I become attractive to her by agreeing with her? Many months ago she said she wants to be challenged. What the hell does that mean. I thought I knew but I guess I was wrong. How do I become attractive to her now to get her to look my way again?
I am ecstatic that she lost the weight and improved herself. That's what I did every day for her was to build her self esteem, tell her she can do anyting, go to the gym with her to support her weight loss. I did so much for her. My only problem was falling into the rut after my company closed. Should this M end because of that? Yes, I know we endured a lot during that time but that's behind us. I cannot understand how she cannot or in unwilling to move past that.
Coach, I want to wow her. I want to knock her socks off. I've been doing everything I thought I could to show her that I am past the anger now. I'm finally able to put those years behind me. That's not important to me anymore. The only thing that's important to me is her.
I have been holding on to hope that a part of the old W was still there. That, in time, she might let go of her anger/resentment, and whatever else she holds towards me and at least tries instead of continuing to run away.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I guess it's just me wanting to save the M. If we had huge issues then I could see things maybe not working out. Maybe I have it all wrong but I don't see any insurmountable problems that we can't work on. I know she might feel differently and her actions show this but it's tough for me to give up on her.
This dating thing makes it a little easier though.
I was finally starting to get in a comfortable place with my life again. I have been social, GAL, but now this news really sets me back.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
TH and Gr8, I hear you about not knowing for sure until I truly let her go. I just don't know if my W would care or not.
That's exactly right, and it shouldn't matter. Your actions are still done with her in mind.
Quote:
I think if I dated OW now my W would just see it as trying to get back at her.
Why would she think this??? As far as she knows you don't know she's on the dating site, so keep it that way.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
You think I shouldn't tell her that I know she's on the dating website? Really? Wow, I don't know how I can not address this with her?
She has been sneaky several times during this S and I haven't called her on things. I think it's time to call her on this.
I don't see how it could make things any worse? I don't see it if I don't say anything as her saying, "well, he didn't say anything, maybe he did change. That's nice but I'm still going to date."
If I confront her on it then she knows I don't accept it. I stop taking care of everything which are consequences for her. Shouldn't she have consequences for her actions?
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
