I just found out tonight that my W is on a dating website. She just created this profile. I’m in shock. I’m numb right now. I never thought my W would go this far. Here I am like so many now saying I can’t believe it. Everyone here was right. What a fool I have been.
This hurts so bad. Just when I was starting to heal a bit and even think we were getting along, she rips my heart out again like she did when she left. I’ve gone through so many emotions tonight…anger, shock, extreme hurt, I don’t even know what I’m feeling.
I felt like she was playing me the past two weeks and this is why I have been so resentful towards her. I acted nice to her but on the inside I was very unhappy. I knew it, I frickin’ knew it. How could she do this? How could she go this far? What did I do to her to deserve this? My biggest crime was not having a job for those two very difficult years. I loved her unconditionally…the same was obviously not true for her.
On her profile she says she looking for guys 28-42…28? What the hell? She’s 36. I guess since she’s so immature that makes sense. In her profile she says that she’s “ venturing back into the dating after being in a long term relationship.” God forbid she says she was married. She says she’s “all about having a new adventures and being open to new experiences and new people.” Her profile says she is currently separated. She talks about her likes and what she’s looking for…all of the same things her and I have shared for the past 19 years. She says nothing in life should be too serious…that’s funny to me. My God, how far in left field is this woman?
I don’t know what to do now. I never thought it would come to this. So many questions. This is the first time that I have truly felt my M is over with no hope of reconciliation. I now know I’ll never get her back. How could I take her back anyway now that I know she wants to date other men? She included recent pictures of herself with her new hair style/ color and new clothes..much different then she used to dress. Nothing bad, just very nice/expensive looking clothes, nice office type attire and some dresses. She also lists herself as slender. She was always overweight but recently lost a lot of weight because of her diabetes. So the writing is on the wall…she lost the weight and no longer wants me.
How could she do this to me? She should have at least met with me at the counselor for closure first and then told me she wanted to date other people. For me to find out this way is just cruel. Who is this woman? She couldn’t wait two more months until she can file for D before she dated? I’ve been up all night…can’t sleep. Can’t stop thinking about her dating OM. I hate these thoughts…
I want to confront her today and tell her I know. I want to lay it all on the line. I’m tired of being passive with her to try to make things better. It didn’t work. I am going to tell her that I am removing myself as our real estate agent. She can find another agent. Out of self respect for myself I cannot do all of the work for selling the house anymore now that I know she wants to date other men. I just can’t do it. I’m also going to tell her a few other things that I am or am not going to do with some of our other issues we need to take care of. I left her a voice mail yesterday with a house update and asked her to call me last night to discuss. Instead of calling me back about some extremely important house issues she decided to be on this dating website and not call me back. Unbelievable.
I know this post is all over the place. Just typing things as I think of them. Coach, Greek, Sandi, Robx, Gucci, Puppy, Steve, CG, etc., HELP!!! Is there anything I can do? I really tried everything that was suggested to me except for dating. Now that it’s clear my W wants to date other men what should/can I do? How should I handle this? I want to fly off the handle and let her know what I think about her right now. If she cuts me off on the phone then I want to send her an email letting it all out. Telling her that she was cruel not to talk to me and after 19 years I deserved better. I want to tell her that she should have at least tried before it got to this point. So many things I want to tell her.
Do I expose to her family and friends? Call them? Email them? Tell them that my W is still married but she is about to start an affair? Say that I’m still fighting for this M and it’s not right that she date? Ask them to stop enabling her? I know some of her family and friends are probably enabling some of her behavior. Does it matter if I expose since she’s put herself out there on a dating website? Seems to me she doesn’t care who knows. Maybe her family knows but maybe not. If I did expose to her family I wouldn’t be surprised if they say they don’t care.
This so goes against what my W’s character used to be. I think I would have been able to deal with this better if she waited until the D was at least filed before she dated. It’s so sad to see what she has become. I think she’s kidding herself into who she thinks she is now. I believe she has some serious unresolved issues from the crisis we went through the last two years of our M due to the financial mess.
I don’t know what else to say about this. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this. I think it’s pathetic she is on a dating website because she always talked about how much she disliked those sites. This is probably more difficult than the day she left. I could really use some help today please.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
