Kat, you are not ready for a relationship!! You have to heal yourself first, and your posts scream that you are not done in that area yet!! That old boyfriend is a waste of your precious time and energy and brain cells!lol. Keep your eyes on YOU for now.
One of the things you have to do--HAVE TO--is learn how to self-sooth. That is what the GAL and all that is about. You and I and D4ML have to LEARN what it is that it takes to get us OUT of the muck and in a good place no matter what.
I encourage you to go back to those real basics. For me, exercise is a Godsend. The good chemicals, the way it makes me look, the way I can "see" my progress. I picked up some weights 6 years ago (first bomb) and I have an OLD Denise Austin tape and I turn it on when anxious and sick-feeling and just do it. If I still feel that way I do it again. Also walking outside--sunshine--I connect with neighbors. I take my son and we talk. Take one of your kids and make it a special fun time.
And my spiritual faith has gotten me through some rough, rough spots. There are promises God has made to you--not to leave you or forsake you. That he has made you EXACTLY the way you are supposed to be!! There is even a promise that when you go through rough times you will grow in Wisdom and Character!! Without doing anything really but dealing with the rough time!
(I think that is a really awesome one.lol I'm lazy.lol)
I talk to my S when I'm down and ASK him for extra hugs--his little LL is physical touch so he is happy to give that to me!
Learn to ASK your friends for help--I have in the past (but not in a long while) been extremely depressed. The other day I couldn't get out of bed and it freaked me out--I told my son to call my friends when this happens!
I have my amazing neighbors who I have connected wtih in such a deep way that I don't know if there is enough life in me to repay them for all their kindness--I hope I can die trying though! Tell them every single time you see them how much you love and appreciate them. Does anyone ever tire of hearing that they are wonderful??lol.
I read Dr. Laura's Surviving a Bad Childhood and that was a great, great book for me.
It is like I have given myself permission to care about ME for the first time in a long time. You have to do this!! And the weird thing is, it isn't the selfish thing it sounds like. The more I care about me, the more I have to give! I know the difference because my friends problems are not forgotten--I am able to remember what they shared and I can "come out of myself" and help THEM. It's not all about me at all!!
Someday this will pass and because of that hard work you are doing you will be an amazing find--to everyone--your kids, your family, your friends will come to you, and you will be "ready". Right now, not so much.lol. Guys want you OVER that stuff before you date.lol. And if they don't, they are not what you want!!
We don't want to be in the same R with someone new do we? I have a history of ALWAYS picking abusive, selfish men!! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO NO NO NO!!
