cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

My students seem pretty good. No huge issues...yet Their first test is Friday so I will see then how grades will be.

H came over on Monday. I asked H if S gets to play with his uncle or grandparents at all when he has them. He said no. I said he may want to go over to "his house" because he misses them as well. H said maybe. S is so used to going to H's parents every Friday and playing with them. NOw he NEVER gets to play with them because H put the fear of God in them that they should not play with him on HIS time. WHAT IS THAT? H is so selfish. I understand that he only sees him Friday and Saturday everyother week, but that is his choice. I told him he could see S during the week if he wanted, but he has never stuck to it. In contrast, last weekend was my weekend and S spent the night away from me for the first time. He wanted to be with my parents and sister so I let him. Did I miss him and want him with me? Sure I did, but it is about S and not me. He missed my parents and sister because he hadn't seen them as much as he had during the summer.

The afternoon was ok. H and I talked about our classes and other things. He played with S. I told him what S had been doing...etc. We get along really well. Then about dinner time H says he has to leave which is what we had planned, but S looks at H with his big brown eyes and said "daddy you stay for dinner?" I was about to make dinner and it was breakfast night so we were having french toast, which doesn't take long to make. H looks at me and I tell him I am ok with it. Then H looks at S and says No I have work to do. S cried and cried. He asked why daddy wouldn't stay for dinner. It was heart breaking. Once again, this shows how selfish H is. I understand he has his parent meeting the next night and other things...but what is more important spending time with your S when he has asked or doing work so you look good? It wasn't something for his students, but something for the parents so he looked good when he was talking to them. Something I heard that H's aunt told the preschool teachers under her at her church was that if you are spending more than X number of hours on your lessons, are you spending that time to help your students understand better or to make you look better? That really stuck with me and I wish I got to know her better because she was a very wise woman. H has to re-establish trust with S and looking at him and saying yes I will stay for dinner because you asked. Man that would go a long way. Then after dinner he could say that S has to go to bed so S doesn't hear that work is more important than him.

I just keep thinking more and more how H is still so immature and selfish. I don't want to spend afternoons with H and S, but I do it because S wants it. S asked last week why H and I don't talk anymore and asked that I talk to H so I did because it is important to S that H and I get along so I want to show him that I hear what he needs and will do it. So back to talking for just a minute or two after S is done talking. Other women talk about how their H's go to their OB appointments or go with them every time their child has to go to the doc. H never did. He didn't take S to the doctor or go with me unless he didn't have work. So he went one time because it was when he didn't have work, but otherwise it was always me.

It is just sad that he still can't sacrifice for anyone, especially his S.

I read the card H gave me last year on S's birthday. It said how he is trying to get better and to "not give up on him". I just keep thinking...if only he had given us a chance.

In other news, S keeps holding in his poop so I have to work with him on that, but otherwise things are good.

I should hear from the L in the next few weeks about the property agreement and after that...just have H sign and we are done.