I posted to you on the Newcomer's board, welcome to the MLC board. It's the best place no one wants to be!
I see Cadet's already been to visit. (Thanks Cadet) Please read the resources, and keep referring back to them. The more you understand about MLC the easier it is for the LBS to navigate the process, yours and his.
Believe it or not, the things you're hearing from your H are script. We've all heard similar versions of the things your H is saying, some almost verbatim.
Please give us a few more background details about your sitch. How long have you and your H been married? Do you have children?
Your H wanting to D right away comes most likely comes from his guilt to what he's doing. He tries to draw you in to convos and then twists what you say to justify his actions. Don't get sucked in.
As far as conversations with your H. Only respond to financial or kid questions. Make sure if you have to contact him it is only about the same thing. Do not let your H suck you in to anything else. If he tries to engage you tell him you have to go. Be pleasant and firm and end it.
GB, what you are going to hear on these boards will be counter intuitive to what you believe you should do. They do work and sometimes they are just for you and your own peace of mind.
There is one thing you have to understand about MLC. It will not be a fast process for your H. There will be times when there seems to be no movement. Patience is the key here if you're standing for your M. Only you know if you can or want to try and outlast your H's MLC.
I am in a similar sitch as you. I mentioned it on your original thread. I'm in the process of dropping the rope. I'm not always successful because my attachment after 27 years of M and children is strong. I've let him go. I think he may be realizing that his choices didn't bring him the happiness he believed it would. That among other issues are his journey to travel. I can't help or fix this for him. It is his path to follow. Besides, I don't have time for I am busy with my own journey.
The one thing I have found the most helpful is detaching myself from my H. Detaching does NOT mean that you stop loving him. It means that you stop reacting to the things that your H does and says. If you do not it will keep you spinning and question your own sanity. Believe nothing your MLCer says and only half of what they do.
I know this is impossible for you to believe right now, but there will come the time if you do the work on yourself that you will be grateful for blessings this has provided for YOU.
Do the work on yourself for yourself and you will become the better option. If your H emerges from the tunnel he may look back your way. If he doesn't, it's his loss. One thing about this, you do the work, and it won't be a loss for you.
You're not alone, we're here with you. Come here to ask questions, vent, post, we understand.
