Rehearsing for the show is like nothing I've imagined. As the director told me tonight, new actors have no control over their bodies. And it's true. I can't figure out how to turn.. I keep walking backwards! I stutter, stammer, have long pauses. Expression comes out through my body, rather than facial features and voice. My voice needs to project and have energy.
I have to be in control of the marionette, the character I'm portraying. The audience may know me as Miss Preen, but it's Kathleen who's in charge. And learning to respond to the well rehearsed lines and movements as if it's the first time... every time. Expressing from my core.
I listen without saying a word. He's the director. I'm a sponge. And yet, it's dawning on me that even with these tiny baby steps, I am an actor on this stage. Wow.. it's something new. Most activities or hobbies I pick up are usually somewhat solitary.. like making jewelry, handmade rugs, drawing, writing.
The director made a reference to the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her companions went in to see the great and powerful Oz.. booming voice, special effects and Toto pulled the curtain aside exposing the man working the controls. On stage I'm the 'man behind the curtain', creating the persona for others to see.
Driving home I thought of the implications, applications in life. That many times with something new I whirl and twirl (at times getting lost). Yet things don't need to be chaotic because I feel out of control. Little Ms. Oz can pull in the energy containing it (versus the paralyzing anxiety) and direct it. What works for me rather than which way is the wind blowing me.
I've spent the last two years learning about boundaries.. previously something I never understood nor implemented.. and it's been wonderful. Now I'm experiencing what building a firm foundation is all about. It's been like walking around a familiar area, but never knowing there was a trail or a way out. I'm psyched.
Oh yeah... in addition to my sylvan walks, my friend and I are going to the gym on iffy days. Goodness gracious does the blood flow and sweat pour. I love it. And now I find I notice men something I never did while married. Interesting.. very interesting.
