ahh one more thing. Last couple of year she would not get home from work till about 6-630 our son gets off the bus at 5:00pm now all of a sudden she is able to be there at 5. I asked how could you do that? her response was well i just didnt want to come home at the end of the day last year....ahhh makes me just want to yell...she was even giggling as she told me. i guess she is trying to prove the point that she can do it without me..
Last edited by didthehurt; 08/25/1003:34 AM.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Said you can at least leave for awhile. I asked why should i leave i want to help you. She just said so was beyond healing and help. That if she could she would just change the locks and throw my stuff out in the yard...i ask what was the purpose of me leaving? she said maybe she would just miss me and getting some feeling back? I asked how if that was what you had been doing the 3 years and it didnt work, why not try something different.
Get a life, get out every once in a while, stop following her around, and stop trying to talk her out of how she feels.
"I understand why you feel that way", "I see", etc.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/25/1003:33 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
we have been nesting the kids for the last month. so i have really seen her for a month until last night.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
My sitch is similar in that my infidelity was 2 years ago and it "reemerged" in April of this year. Truth be told is that it was still there all the time in a similar way as yours -- W not wanting to re-engage me, W dreading and avoiding coming home, W hating weekends with me. The hurt and resentment was still there all along and finally boiled back to the surface.
As hard as it is, don't tug of war with her, don't try to convince her she can get over it or if she tries X, Y or Z maybe she can get over it. See TimeHeals msg and my earlier msg. The more you fight her or suggest solutions, the angrier you will make her.
Get yourself busy doing something for yourself that makes you feel good and that is positive/attractive. Regular exercise or reactivate hobby or brand new hobby. Don't focus on her, because then you will be there for her to focus her negative emotions on.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
can we PM other users??? it keeps telling me that PM are disabled.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
Wow, you guys lost your virginity to each other? That is a big deal to a woman. Men....well, let's just say that they don't seem to attach a lot of the same importance or sentimentality to the sexual experience.
But, I digress. Stop apologizing to her for your infidelity. It is now her problem if she can't get over it.
Stop pursuing your w. You come here for advice and you refuse to take it. You are following her around like a little puppy and she is really digging that. Why? Because it gives her a lot of power over you. STOP IT!!
Stop talking to her. Stop texting her about where you are and what you are doing. I'm not kidding. You can see how it is only making things worse.
If she asks you anything, just give short, bare minimum answers. Do not engage in any sort of conversation with her. Make her work at it for a change.
And the next time she demands that you move out, just tell her NO! That is not up for discussion, you are staying put, that is that, end of story. And then SHUT UP!!
I don't care how pissed she gets and you shouldn't either.
Also, toss the DB book and read DR instead. The DB book is practically worthless once people seek out this site. Way to late for the DB book.
So DB not good....dam I'll have to find the DR book. Kimmie I was not following her around. She was mad that I was at the house and didn't tell her I was gonna be there for the week cause of work. She laid into me and the conversation started then it just wouldn't stop. I got a serious case of open mouth and insert foot. Work eneded up sending me out till Thursday, no calls unless it has been to the kids to say goodnight, no txt messages. Anyone have any expeirence with porn problems I could talk with outside the public board?
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
I meant it figuratively when I said "following her around." I suppose I just want you to stop letting her call all the shots, and stop answering to her. You are a grown-@ss man, and you do not need to tip-toe around and explain any of your actions anymore to her. In fact, you should be saying very little to her about anything right now. Just short, yes, no answers to any questions she might ask.
Stop texting her about where you are and what you're doing. Be mysterious, but not in a fake way. Go out with friends, or just alone, and don't explain yourself to her. Period! Your life, since she claims to want no part of it now, is no longer any of her business.
You made a big mistake a long time ago, and you are obviously genuinely remorseful about it.
But that doesn't mean that she gets to keep tormenting you over it. She obviously gets some sort of sick payoff from browbeating you about it. Do not apologize to her about this tired-@ss issue anymore. Not one more time! Do not give her the luxury of her sick-@ss payoff ever again. Enough already!
I'll tell you something, if I were so bugged about something that my H did, couldn't get past it, yadda...yadda....I would pack my sh!t and get out! So that is exactly what she should do if she is too immature and spiteful to forgive you.
Kimmie thanks for constantly kicking me in the @ss...i need it...its seem like it is gonna be a hard road ahead of me.
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
