Personally, I'd deal with it as you suggest. "Good" Done.
I wanted to metion how I see something you wrote earlier.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
I just need to let her know in anyway I can that I'm moving on without her. Not sitting back and waiting for her to make a move. She's made a choice, I've been dumped, but Life goes on. Sucks but I will stay the course. I also know that I will find someone that will be a better mate than her. Regardless of my shortcomings I will be a better mate than before
I just want to point out some "self-talk sabotage" The stuff I struck through is not necessary to say or, worse, THINK.
I understand it's difficult. We all havr a tough time shifting the focus from THEM to US. At this point, she is making it all about her. Change it up, man. Once she makes the choice she has, it's no longer about her EXCEPT TO HER.
It's time for FaithnAK. See the BOLD stuff.
That is your target. And, to do this, you have to begin by shifting the focus from blame/guilt on you (you didn't make the choice-SHE DID) and the mini-pity party (sucks, etc) and reframe this as an opportunity to be free from HER issues (trust me, you were affected) and begin to be that better mate.
You do that, regardless of who the next mate will be, and it will icrease the odds that she looks around to see where you went.
What did you not like about your behaviour in the relationship? How did she change you? Did you let her change you? Why? These are things you need to address.
Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? Way of the Superior Man? Love Languages?
Start with snooping about them on the web.
This is actually ALL about you. If you don't change FOR YOUR SAKE, she'll see no reason to look back at you. But it has to be motivated By you and FOR you.
Do it for her and it's not real. To you or her.
Distract yourself by looking inside rather than out at her.
It's been working for me.
And I always snoop around other threads just to see what others are learning and hearing. You'll see that the people making the progress are barely even concerned with their spouses. We talk about them but it's more about detaching from their emotional strings.
Keep going. It's a long trip, man. But SO worth it.
Hello CD,
Thank you for your response. I so agree with you on that self pity talk. I was really super depressed this past weekend and just wrote it out that way.
No More Mr. Nice Guy, Superior Man, and Hold on to your NUTs has changed my whole viewpoint and pretty much nailed everything I did wrong. Right now, I'm trying so hard to gain my dignity and self respect back. I also feel a need to be showing change and one of my problems is this texting bs. I'm willing to communicate with her not "as if", but I am moving on. Part of me is saying just ignore her, but then the other part of me says "idiot that's what you've been doing for 3 years"
