i caused the pain

[didthehurt]

god last night could not have gotten any worse. i told her i was in the house and if there was anything i could do to help? all she said was that she wanted me out. Said you can at least leave for awhile. I asked why should i leave i want to help you. She just said so was beyond healing and help. That if she could she would just change the locks and throw my stuff out in the yard...i ask what was the purpose of me leaving? she said maybe she would just miss me and getting some feeling back? I asked how if that was what you had been doing the 3 years and it didnt work, why not try something different. i asked during this time do you want to go to MC or anything spiritual? No was her answer. She was just pissed. i dont understand why she is SO pissed now and just yelling at everything i say. Why did she try and just cover it up for the last 3 years and not do much about it. She had just told her mom about the affair 3 years only last month. Why would someone want to carry that burden on oneself for that long. I cant say i didnt see it coming. I have been asking for last 2 years to do some kind of hobby together, softball - no, cycling - no, running- no, walking-no, dog walking- no, hunting- no, scrapbooking together - no, sewing - no, i knew it was coming she just doesnt want to let go..., She said she was just trying to be the bigger person the last 3years. She doesnt deserve what i did. How could i do that to her, she never thought i would ever do that. She said that what she held most dear was that we had be each other's first lovers and lost our V to each other. All I could think was wow we have 2 beautiful boys together, but the thing she held most dear was that we lost our V to each other????WTH!!! These are all the same things she said and went through 3 years ago...All she keeps doing is threating divorce... its beating me down i'm tired. I left for a few day for work, and see my parents.