Be careful here IB...this kind of thought process can lead you down the path of could of should of thinking, which does you no good. The past is just that - the past. You can relive it. You cannot go back in time and change it. What you can do is LEARN from it.
Quote:
then I feel horrible about myself - which then makes me validate all of his negative statements about me!!!
IB - I ask you a straight forward question...ARE YOU A BAD PERSON? If your answer is No I am not...then do you need me to validate that?
Often we the LBS start this journey by placing the blame on the failure of the M on ourselves. We beat the living shiznit out of ourselves. People tell us that it "takes two to make and break a M"...and we agree but deep down inside we still torture ourselves...still ask ourself what I would have X. Why didn't I when he said X.. It truly is a vicious cycle.
You can try to thought stop but that is easier said then done. Do you wanna know something...Your not that bad. Could not have been that bad. You are NOT to blame for all of your M issues, all of your H's issues. Not to blame for your H's MLC. Nope. This is not your cross to carry.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Learn from them and then throw them away. Be proud of this IB....you at least acknowledge them. Many people do not. So be proud.
Denial vs Hope.....
So your at that state where you are beginning to question what your are doing. Why you are doing it. Is their truly any hope?
BTDT! So what is HOPE to you? Does not God tell us that all things are possible? Notice that he did not say in your time or when you want. Did not God say..faith without deeds is useless? Did not God say that we must believe when we ask that we shall receive what we have asked for?
You know I hope I wake up tomorrow...I don't know if I will but I hope I do.
I hope my car starts tomorrow. Maybe it will maybe it will not. I still have hope.
I hoped I hit the lotto today. I didn't so you and everyone else is still stuck with me LOL. I still had hope even though I did not get what I hoped for....the key is...I did not get it today.
When I couple Hope, faith and my spritual beliefs I end up with an interesting thought or belief....
I hope and believe that my W may wake up. My beliefs tell me that God will love her no matter what I decide not matter what she does. My belief tell me that God gave us all a free will. Can I love her even when she acts on her own free will. Yes I can. Do i have to agree - no but that does not take away my hope either.
Denial...denial is a choice. You can choose to deny yourself of things, deny yourself of hope, deny yourself of love or YOU can choose NOT to.
IB - your not in denial about your hope to save your M.
Keep believing....keep the hope...
Do not deny yourself a life of happiness...a happiness that YOU define and own. It is yours to make no one else's.
God Bless Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
