Hello all - I've been lurking for the past week and want to get the board's advice on my situation. I think it's a bit unique. W and I have been together for 7 Yrs and M for 1.5 yrs. The first 4 years were great (rarely any arguments, which I now know is not good either). After we got engaged, we started to argue more. I didn't know at the time, but the cause of the arguments were primarily my control issues (which the therapist helped identify as caused by my fear issues growing up).
Fast forward to February-April this year. We're spiraling down and arguing more often, to the point where I finally suggested marriage counseling. W agreed and we started sessions in May. Our first therapist was horrible and basically sat in his chair each session and listened to us argue more. W and I each dug in deeper, became even more defensive, and every conversation between us at home, on phone, etc. ended in a boiling / heated argument. Finally, W and I pretty stop talking to each other just to avoid the nuclear assaults. We wasted 8 weeks with this therapist before I got smart and insisted that we switch therapists.
W agreed to a new therapist by now I can tell she was emotionally checked out. We attend 4 more sessions with a much better therapist, but W was still despondent when we were not arguing.
Finally, I had a personal breakthrough when last week, after some deep soul searching, I realized that the root cause of our problems was my control issues.
W hints that she is done with therapy but I ask for one more session this week. Then last Sunday, I told her about my self realization, admitted my mistakes, and how I was going to work on changing myself. She was surprised that I finally "got it" and also admitted that she was part to blame. However, she said that it was too late and that she signed a new lease at an apt and is moving out in 3 weeks. She also wanted a marriage annullment. Needless to say, I was shocked.
Between yesterday and today, I try some LRT it helped a little. W and I had a friendly conversation last night, even shared some laughter, but she also went out and bought some moving boxes and started planning out her move. Then today, in our therapy session, I gave my admission of mistakes & took the blame. W said that that was thoroughly impressed, that what I said was what she had been waiting to hear for the longest time. She was impressed that I finally reached this self realization but that it was too late and too much damage had been done. She said she needs to regain her own self identity, that we are done, and that she is still moving out in 2 weeks because the pain is too much to recover from.
So, I've got 2 weeks to somehow turn this around. I feel there's a bit of momentum & progress from just a week ago (before my self realization), but W is still doing things to move out and carry out the marriage annullment.
I would love any advice from the forum on how to proceed. I think there's a chance to save this but I'm not sure what exactly to do over the next few days. There are moving boxes everywhere inside our house
